Relationships, Relationships, Relationships: Interview with Former NFL linebacker Akin Ayodele
I recently went one on one with Akin Ayodele. Akin spent nine years playing in the NFL for the Miami Dolphins, Dallas Cowboys, Jacksonville Jaguars and Buffalo Bills. Upon retiring from football, Akin earned an MBA from George Washington University, started a wealth management and private equity firm, and currently works in the insurance business.
Adam: Thanks again for taking the time to share your advice. First things first, though, I am sure readers would love to learn more about you. How did you get here? What experiences, failures, setbacks or challenges have been most instrumental to your growth?
Akin: What got me here was a series of “failures” within myself. At an early age I knew that I had some learning disabilities, so I had to work on other skills. I have dyslexia and ADHD, but I was able to address that within myself and figure out how to get around that in my life. These are challenges, but they can be overcome, and ADHD became an advantage for me because it allows me to focus intensely on what I want.
I grew up in a single-parent household and worked from a young age so that I could take care of myself and not be a burden to my mom because I knew that that was what I needed to do. Then I found football. I was late to playing, I didn’t start until high school. I’d read that top players got scholarships to college and I knew that that was my avenue to helping my family.
When I found football I gave it everything—all of my time and energy. I decided not to do anything that would interfere, so I chose not to smoke, drink, do drugs or attend any event that would take away from the time I devoted to football.That’s what ADHD did for me, it allowed me to focus so completely on my goals.
I have a daughter now. She’s two and I see the same thing in her. When she wants something? That’s it, she won’t give up.
With my dyslexia, when I was in 9th grade I was reading at the 5th grade level, so I worked on it. Every day I’d come home and read for an hour or two out loud. Sometimes I’d be doing it in public and people would be giving me looks, but I’d do it anyway. I learned how to slow my brain down so that I could gain control when I got emotional or slow the game down when I was playing sports.
What got me here are the things that were considered negatives in my life that ended up being the tools that got me to where I am now—a college graduate, an entrepreneur, a pro football player for 10 years, and now starting a new career in insurance. I never planned on going into insurance and had no knowledge about the industry. I’ve had to learn how insurance works and go through the rigorous process of studying and getting licensed on the job and in real time. Having the discipline and openness to continue to grow and be a student in life is what’s making all of this possible for me.
Adam: What is the most surprising thing about life in professional sports? What is something that would shock fans?
Akin: The most surprising thing about pro sports is the amount of work that it requires, especially to sustain that level of success.
In professional football the average length of a career is something like 2.8 years, which shows just how difficult it is to keep the intensity going. Football gets easier on game day with experience, but nothing makes all of the work you have to put in easier. It gets harder every season.
Fans would be shocked to know how much work we put in and the kind of work we do every week. Fans have an unrealistic view of what’s required in pro sports. Off-season can be glamorous, but in-season is intense with a lot of sleepless nights, short recovery, longs days of beating your body up and then helping your body recover.
But what would most surprise fans is the amount of film study we do. We put in 40-50 hours a week on film study alone, beside what we were doing on the practice field, in the gym, or in recovery. In-season I watched film every day. On Sunday, I’d watch the game after we got off the field. Monday I’d watch to see what I needed to improve from the previous game. On Tuesday, our day off, you start watching film for the next game. You’re eating your meals and watching film, taking notes and preparing for the next game, watching film at night. By Saturday you’re buttoning everything up, but you’re still studying film after morning practice and at night.
All of that work is about strategy and figuring out what your opponent is doing. Watching so much film lets you gain all of this knowledge so that you can be totally instinctual on the field because you’re so aware of how your opponent moves and acts. My subconscious was able to absorb all of this info and just react to the situation during the game.
Adam: What are the best lessons you have learned through your career in football that are applicable to those of us who will never earn a living playing pro ball?
Akin: Relationships, relationships, relationships. I can’t emphasize enough how important relationships are both on the field and in every other endeavor in your life.
For me personally, I was able to forge deep relationships in the locker room and it made me a big proponent of team work. I’d find reasons for us to get together in the off-season—a party, a charity, anything—to find ways to connect with my teammates and co-workers.
So the one skill that carries beyond being an athlete is to network and to build great and solid relationships around you. Those are the ones where, when you are going through a bad time, they pull you up and are there when you need them. And they know that there’s reciprocity and you’ll be there to do the same for them.
Adam: Who is the best teammate you ever had and why? What are the characteristics of a great teammate?
Akin: It’s hard to name just one person. I was fortunate to be around some great men who happened to play football.
How I was able to become a starter rookie was because of Donovin Darius, who invested time in me. He said, “Let’s meet at the facility at 5am, not 5:05, and study film.” He taught me to build my own game plan, in addition to what the coach’s game plan was.
T.J. Slaughter taught me to be intense and not take anything from anybody.
In Dallas, Bradie James was the ultimate professional on and off the field.
DeMarcus Ware, who might be one of the most gifted athletes—strong as the strongest, fast as the fastest receiver—was also the most humble. To be that gifted and that humble is rare.
In Miami, Channing Crowder, who is one of the most direct and funniest guys you’ll ever meet. He spoke his mind, but could work a room and joke and relax everyone. Channing taught me how to be upfront, but have grace and give laughter to win people’s hearts.
Having teammates that taught me to be humble, give my time, set my limits, be professional no matter what, and to be honest with grace and humor made a huge impact on me.
Adam: Who are the greatest leaders you have played for and with and why? What do you believe are the defining qualities of a great leader?
Akin: Mike Szabo, Jack Del Rio, Bill Parcells, Paul Pasqualoni and George Edwards are the coaches I gained a lot from. Especially Bill Parcells.
Bill was able to relate to the players and the men that he was leading. His philosophy was, “Life isn’t fair, so you can’t all be expecting to be treated the same way.” But he believed in balance. He also taught me to not be afraid of confrontation, to face it head on, but to leave room for forgiveness. When you’re around men with lots of egos and their own agendas, you may have conflict and that’s OK. But Bill taught me to always circle back and meet them halfway so that you can resolve the issue.
Mike Szabo was my first coach out of college and all he wanted every single day was for you to give 100%. He told us that if you could give him that, he would take care of you and you will receive rewards for that work. When I walked away from profession football I had no regrets because I knew that I had given 100%.
Paul Pasqualoni was very intense, but he was one of those coaches who really wanted the best for you. He knew your talent and abilities and how to challenge you to bring those things out on a daily basis. I really enjoyed working with Paul and he taught me how to connect with my teammates, which I still use in business.
George Edwards tapped into my nerdy side. Between him helping me to think through strategies and the football side, he also helped to bring out my instinctive nature in playing football, he taught me to trust myself. My relationship with George added to my confidence in trusting both my instincts and my training to make plays.
Jack Del Rio taught me how to be a linebacker. He played football too and we had countless hours of one-on-one conversations. Jack honed me in on how a linebacker should move and lead on the field, building around my abilities. He filled in any gaps I had in my understanding of being a linebacker or training.
So in my experience, a great leader has to inspire. They have to create a clear vision and be able to convey that vision. And they have to have great emotional intelligence. Leaders with emotional intelligence are able to understand how to connect with each individual or group. They know that they need different approaches to connect with different people.
Adam: What are your three best tips applicable to leaders and aspiring leaders?
Akin: Vision, communication and knowing your market.
As I learned from my coaches, anyone that’s looking to grow into a great leader has to create a clear vision—where are they going and how are they going to get there—and they have to be able to communicate that vision. The way that you communicate your vision dictates the speed and flow of your organization.
To understand your market you need to be able to study and do your due diligence when jumping into a new space, or deciding how you want to operate within a space. You need to understand how your position fits in that market, because having a good understanding of that determines the success of your organization.
Adam: What is the single best piece of advice you have ever received?
Akin: One piece of advice that applies to my life every single day is to be kind to people because you never know what they’re going through. Even if someone isn’t kind to me I think of it as there’s something that person is going through and it doesn’t have anything to do with me, I’m just in the way at the moment.
I try to come from a place where I’m in charge of my emotions so I can choose to be kind.
Adam: What can anyone do to pay it forward?
Akin: Paying it forward was something I learned from football. Having the opportunity to go out in the community and help—we did that every week during the season.
Find a charity that’s doing good work in the community—with children, cancer patients, the elderly, or whoever is in need—and support them with your time. We all have the ability to help in some way, it’s just a matter of figuring out how you can help and then putting in the work.
Throughout my playing career, and still today, I work with kids who have learning disabilities to help them find out how they can take those challenges and find ways to work around them, or to use them in some way. I know how important that is and how it can make a difference to kids from my own life so that’s one of the ways I’ve found to pay it forward.
Adam: Is there anything else you would like to share?
Akin: Where I am in life now, one of the things I realize is that to have outside success and to have a failed home life is not true success. When you’re trying to chase the dollar you can lose sight of that. You need to find that balance so that you can build real success—which is about way more than the money and glamour you can get being a pro baller.
Adam Mendler is the CEO of The Veloz Group, where he co-founded and oversees ventures across a wide variety of industries. Adam is also the creator and host of the business and leadership podcast Thirty Minute Mentors, where he goes one on one with America's most successful people - Fortune 500 CEOs, founders of household name companies, Hall of Fame and Olympic gold medal winning athletes, political and military leaders - for intimate half-hour conversations each week. Adam has written extensively on leadership, management, entrepreneurship, marketing and sales, having authored over 70 articles published in major media outlets including Forbes, Inc. and HuffPost, and has conducted more than 500 one on one interviews with America’s top leaders through his collective media projects. A top leadership speaker, Adam draws upon his insights building and leading businesses and interviewing hundreds of America's top leaders as a top keynote speaker to businesses, universities and non-profit organizations.
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