Fear is Boring: Interview with Author Bonnie Low-Kramen
I recently went one on one with Bonnie Low-Kramen, author of Staff Matters and Be the Ultimate Assistant: A Celebrity Assistant's Secrets to Working with Any High-Powered Employer.
Adam: Thanks again for taking the time to share your advice. First things first, though, I am sure readers would love to learn more about you. How did you get here? What experiences, failures, setbacks, or challenges have been most instrumental to your growth?
Bonnie: Nothing about my career journey was planned. I am a former celebrity assistant (Oscar winner Olympia Dukakis), turned bestselling author, turned international trainer in 14 countries. I gave my first TEDx talk in February, 2022 called “The Real Reasons People Quit.” I didn’t expect to become passionately obsessed about the workplace, and especially the people who work in it. My new book is called STAFF MATTERS.
I care deeply about the future of the global workplace and see that with some careful thought and focused attention by all the constituencies, we could be working together so much better. This is the heart of the matter. As added motivation, I have two granddaughters born in 2019 and 2021.
I am driven by wanting them to experience a better and safer workplace that is free of bullying and where equal compensation is a norm.
I walk the talk. The ideas I speak and write about are not theoretical. I am a small business owner who employs a staff, including an assistant of my own since 2012. I understand what it feels like to be a divorced, working single mom and now, grandmother. I know what it feels like to be so worried about money and not making ends meet that it made me physically sick. I have experienced bullying and sexual harassment and therefore, #metoo and #timesup make total sense. Finding love again brings the welcome challenge of balancing a stepfamily. I realize that my life’s story plus empathy combined with hard data makes my journey relatable, no matter where I travel.
Instrumental to my growth was meeting Olympia Dukakis in 1985 and being hired by her to do publicity at the Whole Theatre in Montclair, New Jersey. She was in charge as the Artistic Director. We began working together just ten months before she was hired for the film “Moonstruck” for which she won an Oscar for Best Supporting Actress.
Olympia Dukakis was one of the most influential mentors in my life. Meeting her when I was just 29 years old, she saw something in me that I didn’t see…yet. I had a front row seat to see what a strong female leader looked like and how she behaved. I learned how to be an effective working woman who had a voice, a seat at the table, and how to negotiate. I was a participant in Olympia’s rise to fame and celebrity and I played an important role in enabling her to have the freedom she craved. From Olympia I learned how to be a compassionate leader of people. Neither of us dared to think that our business partnership and our strong friendship would last for 25 years. All we knew is that we needed each other.
Adam: What do you hope readers take away from your book?
Bonnie: Most of all, I want my readers to see themselves. I want them to have a heightened and more informed empathy for their fellow constituents in the workplace. I want them to take away actionable and utterly logical steps towards stronger workplace partnerships. STAFF MATTERS gives the staff a voice as the way to bridge the gaps between the leadership and themselves, building an ultimate workplace.
I am a workplace expert writing about the workplace from a holistic point of view, giving voice to the leaders and to the staff – the assistants, the HR professionals, the recruiters, and the leadership coaches/teachers/experts who are all influencing the leaders and the running of companies. These staff’s voices (constituents) have not been heard or listened to, especially in the aftermath of the pandemic. It’s time.
I have held more than 1,500 one-to-one interviews. There is much more to the staff that what meets the eye and my book details what has going unsaid – until now.
Adam: In your experience, what are the keys to building a winning organizational culture?
Bonnie: A winning organizational culture is one that embraces respect and belonging as #1 and #2 core values that are held as non-negotiable by the CEO, the ELT, the Board, and everyone on the org chart. This requires leaders to collaborate and put action into the words. Actions include;
Building a culture that is consistent and clearly communicated in words, photos, and videos on the company website
Detailed and up-to-date Job Descriptions that emphasize the company culture
Policies that are enforced around zero-tolerance for bullying, harassment, racism, sexism, and discrimination. Consequences are clearly understood.
Leaders who commit to meeting 1:1 with their staff to provide and receive ongoing feedback
Adam: What do you believe are the defining qualities of an effective leader?
Bonnie: An effective leader knows that s/he is only as good as the team who surrounds them. An effective leader is committed to hiring the smartest and most caring staff who have the runway to perform their jobs in safety and joy. I admire Doug Conant, the former CEO of Campbell Soup, as he led people by being “tough minded on standards and tender-hearted with people.”
The most effective leaders I know are ones who are not afraid of admitting that they make mistakes and don’t have all the answers, which is why they hire the right people to support them. These leaders eagerly celebrate the achievements of their staff and encourages collaboration and cooperation on the team. They exhibit empathy so while they themselves may not personally understand the pain of bullying or sexual harassment (for example), they can imagine what it would feel like if it happened to their wife or daughter or granddaughter.
Adam: How can leaders and aspiring leaders take their leadership skills to the next level
Bonnie: First and foremost, taking leadership skills to the next level requires making it safe for staff to tell you the truth. One of the biggest problems I have seen in the global workplace is the abject fear and terror about telling leaders the truth about what is really happening and how people are really feeling. Unsurprisingly, The Great Resignation emerged, which was in motion long before March, 2020.
During the pandemic, leaders stepped up by calling staff members randomly, out of the blue, simply to ask how they were doing? And then they listened. From where I sit and work, next level leadership skills requires slowing down the process of building relationships. It means leaders taking the time to ask questions, listen hard to the answers, and then taking action on what was heard.
When staff feels safe to speak honestly with leaders, the leaders will hear exactly where and what the pain is. The top issues include; unfair and sometimes obsolete compensation structures, toxic work environments where bullies and harassers are permitted to abuse staff, dysfunctional onboarding process, lack of specific and focused professional development training, and lack of flexibility in work schedules.
Be intentional about mentorship and evening the playing field for women and people of color.
To proactively support them to compete and succeed in the workplace, leaders set a strong example and become role models for these positive behaviors. Next level leadership will be about working to normalize a diverse workforce, where everyone believes they genuinely have a fair shot at leveraging their potential.
Since the average age that a leader receives their very first training in managing people is age 46, taking leadership skills to the next level often requires formal coaching in addition to on-the-job training.
Adam: What are your three best tips applicable to entrepreneurs, executives and civic leaders?
Bonnie: Given that our 24 hours every day are being stretched thin and many of us still don’t see one another face to face on a regular basis, the following three tips are critical to a smooth-running operation.
Set clear expectations both for yourself and for others. Be specific in writing – on the website and on all collateral materials, from job descriptions to email communications to text messages, about what is expected. Don’t assume that others know what is inside your mind. Err on the side of giving too much information rather than too little. Far too much time is wasted with staff who are not totally sure what is expected of them. My advice to them is, when in doubt, ask. Still in doubt? Ask again.Ask First. When making decisions that directly impact the staff, be sure to take the step of asking them about it first. Examples may include; an Executive Assistant who will now be supporting 4 leaders rather than 3, an office space renovation impacting the physical space for staff, and policies on hybrid schedules.
To ask the staff first, before decisions are made and acted upon, is smart for many reasons. Staffers view it as respectful to be communicated with ahead of time so that they have advance knowledge about what is coming. In addition, the conversation may lead to an even better idea simply because staff sees things that their leaders may not see.
Pay Fairly. The smartest leaders pay their staff fairly so that the employees can enthusiastically do their work free from worrying about money. Too many staffers are preoccupied with resentment over the lack of fair compensation. Savvy leaders know that this is a dangerous brain drain for high value employees who spend much of their time being worried about how to make ends meet.
Leaders and HR need to speak honestly and proactively with their staff about career path and opportunities for growth and increasing their compensation. Leaders need to know that many staff are sitting in the dark around issues of compensation and are reluctant to ask out of fear of backlash and retaliation. Silence does not mean there are no problems. In fact, quite the opposite is true.
Adam: What is your best advice on building, leading, and managing teams?
Bonnie: Hire slow, fire fast. A toxic apple on a team poisons the culture and can slowly destroy an organization from the inside out. The strongest teams are ones that know that leaders will not tolerate a toxic workplace, even if the bully is an executive. The best teams celebrate diversity and the subject matter expertise of each individual contributor.
A leader needs to evaluate what skills are needed on the team and in hiring someone, to not only evaluate the skills but also the personality “fit.” Personality assessments like the DiSC are highly effective tools, especially in the remote work world.
Commit to designing an onboarding process that is organized, structured, and crystal clear from Day 1. The majority of my students say that the onboarding process at their companies is mediocre, at best. And yet, everyone remembers their first day, don’t we? There are too many stories of new hires having little to no idea about what to do as they begin their new job. This dysfunction chases good people away.
Adam: What is the single best piece of advice you have ever received?
Bonnie: “Don’t waste time on fear, Bons. Fear is boring.” Said to me many times in 25 years by the late great Olympia Dukakis. Olympia’s words are easier said than done. What most of us can relate to though, is that we often waste valuable time being afraid of things that turn out to be nothing or not as daunting as the story we had in our heads. These words continue to resonate with me. They make me think and make me smile. After all, one of the worst things Olympia would say about something (or someone) was that it was boring!
Adam: Is there anything else you would like to share?
Bonnie: Words matter a great deal in the workplace. For example, we need another word for “boss.” The word boss comes from the Dutch word “baas” which translates to “master,” as in, master and slave. It is interesting to note that on the home improvement television shows, the hosts are no longer referring to the “master” suite but rather it is now the “primary bedroom.” “Boss” has a negative connation and I believe it is time we make the switch to other words.
Other examples about words that make a difference in the workplace and cost zero dollars.
To work “with” someone is different than to work “for” someone
Being intentional to pronounce names correctly matters. After all, there is nothing more personal than one’s name.
Say and write the words “please,” “thank you,” and “Good morning, Adam” can all send an important message of respect and belonging.
Adam Mendler is the CEO of The Veloz Group, where he co-founded and oversees ventures across a wide variety of industries. Adam is also the creator and host of the business and leadership podcast Thirty Minute Mentors, where he goes one on one with America's most successful people - Fortune 500 CEOs, founders of household name companies, Hall of Fame and Olympic gold medal winning athletes, political and military leaders - for intimate half-hour conversations each week. Adam has written extensively on leadership, management, entrepreneurship, marketing and sales, having authored over 70 articles published in major media outlets including Forbes, Inc. and HuffPost, and has conducted more than 500 one on one interviews with America’s top leaders through his collective media projects. A top leadership speaker, Adam draws upon his insights building and leading businesses and interviewing hundreds of America's top leaders as a top keynote speaker to businesses, universities and non-profit organizations.
Follow Adam on Instagram and Twitter at @adammendler and listen and subscribe to Thirty Minute Mentors on your favorite podcasting app.