I recently went one on one with activist and TV personality Braunwyn Windham-Burke, the first openly gay housewife on Bravo’s hit TV show The Real Housewives of Orange County.

Adam: Thanks again for taking the time to share your story and your advice. First things first, though, what is something about you that your fans don’t know?

Braunwyn: I’m the most comfortable barefoot on a beach with messy hair and no makeup. I’m a surfer chick at heart. 

Adam: How did you become a part of The Real Housewives of Orange County?

Braunwyn: Casting found me on Instagram! I used to hashtag things like #newportmom #momofmany and they found me there! 

Adam: What are your strongest takeaways and best lessons learned from your time on the show? 

Braunwyn: The best lesson that I learned from the show is to not listen to the outside noise. You need to develop a thick skin super quickly, and it’s not easy. I realized I’m a lot stronger than I never knew I was. You have to live your life based on what matters to you - you can’t make decisions and choices based on the validations and opinions of others. 

Adam: What would surprise most people about the show and about reality TV in general?

Braunwyn: People would be surprised how much is filmed and what doesn’t make the final cut of the show. I think it’s important to remember that reality and real aren’t exactly the same! Don’t ever think you know someone fully just because they’re on a television show. 

Adam: What is something you have witnessed up-close or experienced that would shock even the most hardcore fans of the show?

Braunwyn: I think something surprising is the amount of fake friendships that start to enter your life when you go on reality tv. I’ve always been a really trusting person and that hasn’t always worked in my favor. You need to put up a little wall and that’s okay. On a lighter note, I think fans would be shocked to know how much DeuxMoi gets right. 

Adam: As a public figure, your journey of self-discovery has been well documented. What can anyone do to better understand who they are?

Braunwyn: Take a break from social media and spend some time alone. I spent two months in Hawaii with my kids and I felt like this period of time was the most important in my self-acceptance. It’s important to disconnect in order to reconnect. 

Adam: What experiences, failures, setbacks or challenges have been most instrumental to your growth?

Braunwyn: My entire life has been filled with all of the above on repeat. I’m always making mistakes. The best thing to do is take accountability and move on. There is so much in this world that is out of our control - let go of that and focus on what you can control. And in all honesty, I need to take my own advice as much as I give it out. Every single day I am learning and growing, and sometimes it takes me more than once to learn a lesson. 

Adam: What advice do you have for anyone on how to navigate and overcome the challenges they face in their lives?

Braunwyn: I’ll give you my favorite motto - do what you can with what you have where you are. Some tools are unattainable at times - focus on the ones you have right in front of you. 

Adam: What has your experience on RHOC taught you about relationships? What do you believe are the keys to building and maintaining successful relationships and what are the key pitfalls to avoid?

Braunwyn: I realized that I need to have a similar moral value system in order to truly be friends with someone. I have a tendency to only see the good in people, sometimes to my detriment. I am passionate about LGBTQ+ issues and causes involving POC. If our values don’t align on those aspects, I can’t forge a true relationship. 

Adam: What is the single best piece of advice you have ever received?

Braunwyn: Never complain and never explain - that’s something my mom always says and it really holds true. Another piece of advice I tell my children - don’t tell me why you can’t do something, come back with three ways you can. Sometimes it’s all about shifting your mindset.


Adam Mendler is the CEO of The Veloz Group, where he co-founded and oversees ventures across a wide variety of industries. Adam is also the creator and host of the business and leadership podcast Thirty Minute Mentors, where he goes one on one with America's most successful people - Fortune 500 CEOs, founders of household name companies, Hall of Fame and Olympic gold medal winning athletes, political and military leaders - for intimate half-hour conversations each week. Adam has written extensively on leadership, management, entrepreneurship, marketing and sales, having authored over 70 articles published in major media outlets including Forbes, Inc. and HuffPost, and has conducted more than 500 one on one interviews with America’s top leaders through his collective media projects. A top leadership speaker, Adam draws upon his insights building and leading businesses and interviewing hundreds of America's top leaders as a top keynote speaker to businesses, universities and non-profit organizations.

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