I recently went one on one with Brian Ondrako, author of The Magically Magnificent Mysterious Mind.

Adam: Thanks again for taking the time to share your advice. First things first, though, I am sure readers would love to learn more about you. How did you get here? What experiences, failures, setbacks, or challenges have been most instrumental to your growth? 

Brian: Thanks, Adam! Although I could go deep with this one I will say that more than anything it’s been learning to be okay with who I am and being comfortable with getting uncomfortable finding myself. For many years, in childhood and after, I was scared and afraid of my own shadow. I followed the crowd a lot and would tie my happiness (or perceived happiness) to others and what they were doing. Being a middle child definitely contributed to this and growing up in a small town not being exposed to new ideas or surrounded by people that were challenging the status quo. As I got into my late 20s I was struggling to find myself, dealing with financial hardships, and feeling complacent with mundane life. It was around that point that I first decided to make a change in a positive direction. I started to follow some “virtual mentors” online and was making a career change at the same time. Those moments helped me open up my eyes to new possibilities and potentials on where I could take my life. As my son was born, I continued to push my thinking to want to discover more so I could be a great example for him as he grew up. It’s been a long and hard road the last 10-years trying to figure it out but it’s been totally worth it. I am the happiest I’ve ever been and I look forward to each day to make a positive impact. I’ve learned that sometimes there is no way around the storm. You just have to go straight through and have the courage to fight. On the other side, it can become beautiful and freeing. 

Adam: What do you believe are the defining qualities of an effective leader? 

Brian: I’d put Humility and Empathy at the top of the list as far as qualities. I think we’ve gotten to a point where the words “Leader” and “Manager” are often used interchangeably when they shouldn’t be. I grew up hearing “Leader” and thinking that meant you were out in front by Title or were older. I’ve come to realize that being a Leader is putting others first. By putting aside our ego and using humility and empathy as guardrails, we can become that bridge to help others advance and grow more effectively.

Adam: How can leaders and aspiring leaders take their leadership skills to the next level?

Brian: Being a “Go-giver” is always top of mind for me. What do people need help with and how do you offer up yourself and your resources to help them get it? If we look at leadership through this lens then it can help us become better leaders because at the core of leadership has to be trust, respect, and support, and what better way to showcase that than giving more of yourself for the betterment of others.

Adam: What do you hope readers will take away from your new book? 

Brian: First, I think kids need as much positive reinforcement and energy around them as possible. This new book, “The Magically Magnificent Mysterious Mind” is all about creating a positive mindset by making choices that lead us to a happier life. It’s important that kids understand that their choices directly relate to their happiness or unhappiness. Secondly, with my whole Just Get Started mission, it’s important for kids and adults alike to realize that they can create anything they want and go after it if they are willing to put in the time and effort. I am no more qualified to write a children’s book than anyone else and for many years I was stuck in this endless circle of complacency and unhappiness. Once I realized that I could control my circumstances by making the necessary changes it opened me up to a whole new world of possibilities. That’s one of the messages I want people to take away from this book to go and create or do what you enjoy doing and if you aren’t sure of what that is yet then go explore by trying new things to discover that. 

Adam: How can anyone develop a winning mindset? 

Brian: From my experience, it’s been a consistent inner reflection. It doesn’t happen overnight and it won’t be always “on”. It’s something that has to be worked on over and over again. The first step I took was recognizing that I wanted to change and then making a commitment to that change. It’s one thing to say we want to do something but another to commit to it. I started to sit in silence with my thoughts, journal, meditate, and become more self-aware about my decisions and actions, and reactions to situations. Everybody will have a different path and things that work for them but it starts with recognizing we want to improve our mindset and then working in that direction.

Adam: What are your best tips for parents?

Brian: Always make time for your kids. Everything else isn’t nearly as important and impactful as those precious moments we often take for granted. The emails can wait. The meetings can be rescheduled. Be present with your kids and provide as much support and encouragement as you can. It’s that simple.

Adam: What are your best tips applicable to entrepreneurs, executives, and civic leaders? 

Brian: Our reputations are everything. Make choices and connections with that in mind. Are we giving or taking? Are we being kind or mean? Are we being honest or deceitful? Are we being true to our values or compromising them? We all struggle with these and other choices each day but if we can work on making the right choices we’ll be less stressed and anxious and happier and energized. When we clear our minds of negative thoughts and actions and try to help others around us it’s amazing how freer we feel. 

Adam: What is the single best piece of advice you have ever received? 

Brian: I’ll share one of my favorite quotes from Confucius that says “We have two lives; the second begins when we realize we have one.” Life is a short bus ride. Stop waiting for others to make decisions for you and go out and seek the happiness that you deserve. It’s not always easy, especially with a mound of self-limiting beliefs and preconceived notions weighing us down from our upbringing. Have the courage to learn about yourself more and accept how you are currently and where you’d like to change. Then, make the choice to move in that direction. An extremely small movement in the right direction compounds over time but so does movement in the wrong direction. Figure out what you want and be willing to start the journey down that path.

Adam: What can anyone do to pay it forward? 

Brian: Be aware of moments where you can be kind and then act on those moments when they present themselves. Make a point to give where you can. We have all been helped in countless ways along our journey and we shouldn’t forget that others need help as well. It could be a connection to a mutual friend, sharing a piece of content they worked on, calling them during a difficult time, etc. Kindness always wins.

Adam: Is there anything else you would like to share?

Brian: I think it’s important that we all define two things, Happiness and Success. What do those mean to us? Not what society thinks and not what we should be forced to think but what do we actually believe those to mean. These get thrown around a lot but if there isn’t context behind them it often clouds our judgment on decisions and makes it difficult to make the right choices to lead us properly. As an example, when I was in a lot of financial debt it wasn’t that I needed more money as that would have been a short-sighted way of looking at it. I needed better systems and structure to manage my money so that as I made more I could pay down debt and become debt-free. By discovering that my goal was to become financially free, it laid the groundwork for budgeting, making better decisions, setting expectations, and beyond. I didn’t have all the answers upfront but it helped to have those guideposts as I approached difficult decisions. I believe that the only way to discover happiness is to first discover ourselves. Figure out what truly makes us happy and how we feel we achieve success and the direction to head in becomes much clearer.