Begin by Being Empathic: Interview with Cheryl Brown Merriwether, Co-Founder of ICARE
I recently went one on one with Cheryl Brown Merriwether, co-founder of the International Center for Addiction and Recovery Education (ICARE). Cheryl has spent more than two decades serving in human resources leadership roles for AT&T and is the President of GOSHRM.
Adam: Thanks again for taking the time to share your advice. First things first, though, I am sure readers would love to learn more about you. How did you get here? What experiences, failures, setbacks or challenges have been most instrumental to your growth?
Cheryl: Everybody has a story.... I consider myself very fortunate because all the circumstances and experiences of my life, both personal and professional, positive and negative, have all worked together to prepare me for the work I’m doing now. As a child, I was raised in a family plagued by alcoholism and mental illness. Consequently, as an adult, I have spent decades learning as much as I can about the disease of addiction while helping myself and others identify resources, access services, and navigate sometimes complex behavioral health systems of care. Without a doubt, some of the experiences from those years were not pleasant, but they built my faith, character, resilience, and other strengths that continue to serve me to this day.
At the same time, I was doing my own inner-healing work, I held several key management roles within AT&T over the course of a 20-year career. It was only later in my professional life I realized the benefits of having the opportunity to work in three totally different corporate divisions while living in three different cities in two states. I was privileged to work with great mentors and leaders at AT&T and participated in world-class training and professional development opportunities.
AT&T also made it possible for me to earn my undergraduate degree in management and Master of Human Resources Development and Administration. Continuous learning is a passion of mine, so after graduating from college, I continued my education by achieving several professional certifications in HR, management, addiction recovery and professional coaching. The combination of my education and for-profit, non-profit, and self-employed work experience prepared and positioned me to teach at two universities while continuing to advance my career as a manager, leader, director, and executive of what is now an educational Center of Excellence for addiction and recovery.
Adam: What are the best leadership lessons you have learned from leading a non-profit organization?
Cheryl: Working in non-profit organizations has taught me that leaders should care as much for the welfare and wellbeing of their staff, as they do for those being served by the organization. Many people choose to work for non-profit organizations because they care deeply about and want to support the mission of the organization. It’s mission over money for sure. As a leader, I believe I must make the effort to get to know those I lead and hear their stories, Often their passion to serve stems from the fact that their own lives have been touched in some way by the cause or the purpose of the organization. Frequently someone they care about has been the beneficiary of the services provided by the organization. Consequently, those folks are in the best position to relate to those who are being served by the organization for which they work. This makes the work they do personal and inspires them to show up day after day totally committed to the cause, despite what are sometimes overwhelming challenges or obstacles. For these individuals, the simple belief that they are making a positive difference in someone’s life, family, or community is an intangible, totally intrinsic, yet powerful motivation that makes the staff VERY valuable indeed… worthy of my sincere admiration, respect, and appreciation.
Adam: What are your best tips for fellow leaders of non-profit organizations?
Cheryl: 1. Leaders of non-profit organizations must begin by realizing that a non-profit organization is a business. For the business to survive and thrive, the same core principles and best practices that apply to for-profit businesses must be applied. 2. Leaders must seek to establish and maintain positive relationships with all stakeholders, internal and external. Internal stakeholders include employees (paid and volunteer) and board members, for example. External stakeholders can include clients, regulators, donors, funders, and other community partners. 3. Leaders must never lose their awareness of the external environment in which the non-profit organization operates, i.e. political, economic, social, technological, legal and environmental factors, as well as the current and future impact that these elements have on the non-profit entity. It is vitally important that these elements be factored into the organization’s strategic planning efforts which leaders should conduct regularly in order to provide awareness, clarity, continuity, alignment and oversight of the organizations Vision, Mission, Values, Strengths, Weaknesses, Opportunities, Threats and Trends. 4. Leaders must always be mindful and intentional regarding their own self-care, in order to protect themselves from burnout or the deterioration of their mental and physical health.
Adam: In your experience, what are the defining qualities of an effective leader? How can leaders and aspiring leaders take their leadership skills to the next level?
Cheryl: Leaders who have had the greatest impact on my career are people of integrity and strength of character. They are trustworthy, humble, able to admit their shortcomings, seek to lift and guide the success of others, and demonstrate a willingness to work side-by-side with others, thus leading by example. Early in my management career I learned about the benefits of striving to apply Steven Covey’s 7 habits of highly effective people (such as “seek first to understand and then be understood”). I also benefitted from the concept of servant leadership from leaders like Ken Blanchard.. Today we hear a great deal about the benefits of being an ‘empathetic’ leader, one who is able to hear, understand, appreciate and empathize with the beliefs, values, needs and concerns of those they lead. Leaders and aspiring leaders can take their leadership skills to the next level by first recognizing that anyone can be a leader if they are willing to learn and grow as a leader day-by-day as opportunities present themselves... I’ve heard it said that there’s no such thing as luck.... rather there are results that come when one has prepared in anticipation of an opportunity that will present itself at an appointed time. So how does one prepare? One can read the biographies and life stories of other great leaders. One can also study, learn about and talk with admirable leaders within one’s sphere of influence. Leaders seeking to improve their skills can make themselves available to be mentored, advised or taught by, those they consider to be a great leader. Their lives, as evidenced by their words, actions and deeds, are like fingerprints indelibly etched into one’s being, forming a strong foundation upon which one’s own character, influence and legacy will be built.
Adam: What are your three best tips applicable to entrepreneurs, executives, and civic leaders?
Cheryl: Leaders in each of these areas are goal focused, but depend on the talents, contributions, and assistance of others to accomplish those goals. Here are my tips: Tip #1: Be thankful: Find something every day for which to be grateful. Tip #2: Cherish the people, places, and things that bring you joy, peace, a sense of fulfillment, and love. These positive elements are needed to balance out the negative influences of people, places, and things that exist in every life at one time or another, and that are guaranteed to cause you worry, stress, anxiety, or fear. Tip #3: Managers are familiar with the term kaizen, a management system developed in Japan, but widely practiced by high-performing organizations. The practice encourages employees to continually seek to improve the products and services provided by the organization. Continuous improvement efforts serve to make the company as successful as possible. Continuous improvement should also be a personal goal. All individuals, particularly those in leadership positions, should pursue self-improvement by being humble, transparent, introspective, and reflective upon receiving candid feedback. A healthy ego is fine, but one that seeks constant approval will become toxic and produce negative consequences for that leader and other employees.
Adam: What is your best advice on building, leading and managing teams?
Cheryl: My best advice is to remember that teams are composed of people...each one incredibly unique, unlike any other human being on the planet. So when we are building, leading, and managing teams, we are building, leading, and managing individuals working together within an interdependent organizational system to pursue and accomplish various personal, professional, and enterprise-level goals. The degree to which we can align an individual’s personal values, interests, and goals, with those of the organization, will largely determine the level of success achieved by both.
Adam: What is the single best piece of advice you have ever received?
Cheryl: I added the following quote to my digital signature:
"I expect to pass through this world but once. Any good thing, therefore, that I can do or any kindness I can show to any fellow human being, let me do it now. Let me not defer nor neglect it, for I shall not pass this way again." Stephen Grellet
I fully embrace this quote and have adopted it as part of my signature because of an experience I had many years ago while attending a training class. During the class, there was an activity that challenged me to consider what I believe others might say about me on the day of my funeral. I don’t recall specific words that the instructor said about the activity...nor do I recall the comments made by other participants in the class... but what I do remember is how the exercise helped me put things in proper perspective regarding what I value most. And, as a result, this exercise changed me permanently... and caused me to realize that most of the things I spend my work life doing are for the most part inconsequential... For example, throughout my professional career, I have worked on, accumulated, and disposed of thousands of files, folders, and binders, along with boxes of documents, spreadsheets, presentations, and reports. As more and more time goes by those things seem increasingly insignificant. At the end of life’s journey, the only thing that will matter will be the positive impact I’ve had on the lives of the people I encounter day by day.
Adam: What can anyone do to pay it forward?
Cheryl: There is so much trouble in the world today, and in the lives of the people we meet and work with every day. Everyone you meet has a struggle, a challenge, or some sort of difficulty to overcome. So when I think about what I can do to pay it forward, it’s really quite simple. I begin by being empathic...not sympathetic. I believe it’s important to connect with people where they are...again, as Steven Covey said, seek first to understand and only then to be understood. In addition to being empathetic, I strive to be compassionate, and look for ways to do simple acts of kindness toward others in need...and in my opinion, that includes just about everyone in the world because it is my belief that everyone I meet is in need of something for themselves or for someone else for whom they care. Acts of kindness, therefore, begin with a thought, which can then be expressed through my words and ultimately demonstrated through my actions. I believe it was Theodore Roosevelt who said “people don’t care how much you know until they first know how much you care.” It is important for leaders to show they care about the things that concern those whom they lead.
Adam: Is there anything else you would like to share?
Cheryl: My greatest concern for future leaders is that some may fail to fully appreciate the benefit of the wise counsel senior leaders are able to provide. I have noticed some young professionals are eager to advance in their careers quickly and sometimes discount or ignore benefits they can receive from having varied, including challenging, or even somewhat unpleasant or uncomfortable experiences over time...There are incredibly valuable life lessons and benefits that come from hard work, perseverance, and sacrifice for example. Consequently, young leaders looking for an ‘easy, quick and comfortable career path, do not always appreciate the advice offered by senior leaders regarding alternative personal and professional growth and career development opportunities.
Unwilling to appreciate and explore recommendations that do not align with their limited perspective or provide short-term gratification, these young leaders may make erroneous decisions that they later regret, i.e “the great resignation.”
I’m speaking from experience because in my youth, and early in my professional career I mistakenly, and frankly, rather foolishly, thought more highly of myself than (in hindsight) I should have. It would take several decades, plus learning and recovering from countless mistakes made while navigating personal and professional life experiences, for me to realize the true value of sage counsel. That said, I now eagerly listen carefully to the advice, recommendations, and feedback I am blessed to receive from my elders, and others more learned and experienced than I. Consequently, I now look for every opportunity I can to encourage others, particularly young professionals, to seek out and embrace the gift of wise counsel from others. Doing so will save them time, money, and also protect other cherished things of value, like one’s integrity, reputation, status, career, health, and overall wellbeing.
Adam Mendler is the CEO of The Veloz Group, where he co-founded and oversees ventures across a wide variety of industries. Adam is also the creator and host of the business and leadership podcast Thirty Minute Mentors, where he goes one on one with America's most successful people - Fortune 500 CEOs, founders of household name companies, Hall of Fame and Olympic gold medal winning athletes, political and military leaders - for intimate half-hour conversations each week. Adam has written extensively on leadership, management, entrepreneurship, marketing and sales, having authored over 70 articles published in major media outlets including Forbes, Inc. and HuffPost, and has conducted more than 500 one on one interviews with America’s top leaders through his collective media projects. A top leadership speaker, Adam draws upon his insights building and leading businesses and interviewing hundreds of America's top leaders as a top keynote speaker to businesses, universities and non-profit organizations.
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