Thirty Minute Mentors Podcast Transcript: WWE Superstar Daria Berenato

I recently interviewed WWE Superstar Daria Berenato on my podcast, Thirty Minute Mentors. Here is a transcript of our interview:

Adam: Our guest today is one of the biggest stars in the world of wrestling. Daria Berenato, also known by her stage name, Sonya Deville is a WWE Women's Tag Team Champion and is the first openly gay female WWE wrestler. Daria, thank you for joining us.

Daria: Thanks for having me.

Adam: You grew up in New Jersey to Italian parents, and you played a lot of different sports growing up. But by the time you were a teenager, you gravitated toward mixed martial arts and were so into mixed martial arts that you were the only girl in an all-boys tournament. Can you take listeners back to those days, those early days? What early experiences and lessons shaped your worldview and shaped the trajectory of your success?

Daria: Yeah, absolutely. It's so crazy that you started there because it was the beginning of the journey that I've taken for the last 10-12 years. It was 2010. I was a junior in high school. I played traditional sports my entire life, basketball, lacrosse, and soccer. And I got to a point where I was like, okay, I'm not going to excel past high school in any of these sports that I wanted to start working towards whatever was to come in my life, post high school, I never was big for academics, I didn't like to follow the status quo and color inside the line. So I was always looking for something in hindsight, entrepreneurial, but I didn't know what exactly I wanted to do. And I had seen women fighting mixed martial arts. And I was like, oh, this seems like an awesome sport. It's a way that I can stay active for now. I didn't see the career path in it at first, but I was like, I want to do this and this sounds fun. So my mom drove me to a gym an hour from my house before I even had my license. And I would train there six days a week after school, I would go to work. And then after work, my mom would drive me to the gym. And I went in there and it was owned by a fellow Italian who was an older gentleman and I walked in and I was like, "I want to fight MMA." And he was like, "What?" And I was like, "Yeah, I want to fight MMA." And he was like, "Well, do you have any experience in mixed martial arts?" And I was like, "No, but I want to start." And so he's like, "Okay." And so we put me through this crazy, impromptu workout. I don't even think I had workout clothes on. I was in jeans. And he was like, "Alright, let's go." And I was like, "Okay," I felt like I was being tested. And I was like, I'm gonna pass this test. And so I showed out and I did my best. And he was impressed with something, whether it was my more of the heart, and the determination to get through the workout. And then he was like, "Alright, come back tomorrow." And so it was kinda like that. And I just started training in judo. There were no girls in the gym at the time, and women's mixed martial arts wasn't even allowed in the UFC at the time. They didn't have any women's division and other secondary promotions did. And so I was at the brink of this revolution in women's mixed martial arts. And I started training with the boys in Judo boxing. And they had an in-house Judo tournament. So obviously, it was me and all the boys I had been training with for four months. And my coach was like, "Alright, you're ready to compete in the novice category." And so it was me and four other kids from the gym that were in that category. And the first matchup I had was with this kid in my class, and we always will tit for tat in class, I would win sometimes, and he would win sometimes. And it was 30 seconds into our first match and he got me in a triangle. And, of course, I wasn't going to tap because I was young and fiery and stubborn. And I was like, I need to prove myself to this gym of boys. And this one coach, only my one coach was the one that was like, "You can do this, I believe in you." The rest of the coaches were like, ughh, we put her in this tournament? And so I'm in a triangle hold and my mom and my best friend were sitting feet away on the sidelines. And I remember seeing my mom out of the courthouse screaming and I didn't want to tap so I went to sleep. And I woke up and anyone who's ever been put to sleep, you wake up confused and you don't know what just happened. So woke up and everyone was standing over top of me, my mom screaming, crying, so freaked out by this. She's like, "What did I get my daughter into?" And the first thing I said was, "Can I keep going?" And my coach is like, "Alright, relax." And so he took me to the side and I begged him to continue in that tournament. It wasn't a single elimination, thank God. And finally, they let me and I don't know if that's even good, or should I have done that? I don't know. But he let me continue. And so I came back and I won three more matches in a row, I took the first kid out in 14 seconds for the standard guillotine. The kid who put me to sleep in the triangle, I went on to beat him by points. Then I beat the third kid with also standard guillotine and I got first place in the tournament. So it's a story I like to tell because every one of my gyms after that nicknamed me 'the comeback kid'. And that's been the overarching story of my entire life, I wasn't the biggest, the strongest, the toughest, or anything, it was always my heart and determination that got me everywhere that I've gotten in my life. And so the messaging in my young mind was like, whoa, you can do anything you put your mind to if you want it bad enough. And so passion has been what's driven me through all facets of my life up until this point.

Adam: A lot of great stuff, a lot of great lessons. You have to start somewhere. You can do anything if you put your mind to it. And you shared as good an example as any. The importance of heart the importance of determination, the importance of passion, something else that you shared. All the coaches looked at you and said, "Who is this girl? What's she doing here? She doesn't belong here." But there was that one coach who said, "I believe in you." Be that person be that coach, we can all be that person.

Daria: Absolutely. I always say too, that one of my favorite quotes is to believe in yourself before anyone believes in you. And it's any entrepreneur business owner, or pioneer in any world can relate to that. Because it's all of us when we're just starting, and I'm still on my journey. But when we're just starting, none of us have full confidence that this is going to work, whether it's starting your real estate journey, opening a business, or whatever it is, none of us know with 100% certainty that we're doing something that's going to be big and successful and work, you just have a little bit of belief. And with that little bit of belief, the rest is just guts and passion. And you just take off towards something and you hope that it comes full circle, and you hope that it's successful. But with every failure comes a lesson that gets you closer to that success. So I'm a huge believer in just going after it and taking chances. I think people say you're so lucky, there's a lot of luck when you look at successful people. But you only get the luck from taking the risk. The more risk you take, the more luck that's available to you. Because you're putting yourself out there and allowing your energy to be out in the world doing something great. But if you don't take those jumps, and you don't take those leaps of faith, then I don't think there is opportunity, it's not just going to come knock on your door for most of us. When you're trying to achieve something great whether it's been done before a few times, or not at all, it's easy for people to look at that and go wow, she's crazy, or wow, that dream, that's impossible. And I look back to when I was 14, 15. And I was like I'm gonna be on TV one day. And I always wanted to be an athlete. But I knew the sports that I was in were not my thing. I was not going to be a collegiate basketball player. It just was not in the cards for me, genetically or talent-wise. And so I knew I needed to find something else but the belief in myself and just the guts to take the leap and just go towards it opened up so many doors that wouldn't have been there and led me in so many different directions. My original plan was not to be in the WWE, it was to be an MMA fighter. But that led me to the WWE somehow, some way. So manifestation is so important and just taking those chances. Because most successful people I know someone at some point was like, you're crazy. Being able to overcome the doubt just believe in yourself and stay true to your path is so important.

Adam: How did you break into the world of professional wrestling? And how did you become a WWE superstar and fan favorite?

Daria: It's a crazy story as well. So the day of my high school graduation, I moved to South Florida to train with one of the top MMA teams, the American Top Team. I knew I wanted to be down there working with one of the best teams and so I was like I need to go where they are. So I found a way to move myself down there. And a couple of years later, I moved to Los Angeles because I wanted to pursue acting and I wanted to pursue fighting and I was like where's a better place to go in a land of opportunity than Los Angeles? And so I eventually moved out there and I started training with a fight team. I started taking any hosting acting or television or film opportunities that I could get as well. All while bartending of course to pay the bills because Los Angeles is not cheap, even in 2012-2012 maybe. I was just on the grind, hustling and I was bartending one day I was very friendly and social with all of my regulars and everyone that came in because I knew I was in LA, and being in LA, it's more about who you know, not what you know. I think life is about connections and personal relationships and experiences giving out good energy, you'll get that good energy back. So I'm a big believer in that. So I was bartending one day, and one of my regulars was like, "Don't you do that UFC stuff?" And I was like, "Yeah, I fight MMA." And he's like, "My friend has a podcast and they talk about MMA and UFC and they need a host." The two of them, and need a third host. And I was like, "I'd love to do it. Tell me when and where." And so they gave me the details. I went, and I did a little trial, and audition, where I interviewed a UFC fighter. And they were like, "Okay, great. You have the job." And I've never hosted anything before, this is my first thing. But I did go and did it. And, again, took a chance on myself and I got the gig and they were like, "Listen, it's not paying, but it's gonna be good exposure, good for your demo if you want to do this stuff in the future. And you'll be around a lot of fighters and maybe it can help you in your world too." And I was like, "Yeah, that's cool." And so it was called AfterBuzz TV. It's a podcast network for breaking down shows, an after-show for all your favorite shows on television, including sports. And so I started hosting it. And then I ended up meeting the owner of this network, which is Maria Menounos, and her husband, Kevin Undergaro, Maria being a huge celebrity host for E! News and Extra and all kinds of things over the years. And so I met them and they saw what I was doing on their network and they took a liking to me and we became friendly. And so they got super invested in my MMA career. They love watching MMA. So they ended up coming to my last MMA fight that I ended up having. It was an amateur fight. It was my third fight and it ended very bloody. Both eyes were swollen shut, my nose was fat, and blood everywhere. It was gruesome. It was a split decision loss. It was my first loss. And so after the fight, I was devastated in the locker room crying, so upset. And Maria's husband, Kevin came in and he's like, "Listen, you're gonna be a champion one day, I know it, in something. I just don't know what it is. But you have it and I see it and we want to help you in whatever you want to do." And I was like, who are these people? You know, I came from Jersey. I moved to LA on my own. And now these super famous people are telling me they're gonna help me. So at first, I was tentative, I was like, I don't know what their intentions are. I don't know who these people are, aside from seeing them on TV. And six months later, just as the universe worked, Kevin called me and he was like, "Hey, WWE is doing this reality show called *12:29 Puffin off. It's that competition show where you compete and the winners get a contract into the WWE. Would you be interested?" And I was like, "Well, I've never really watched wrestling. I watched Total Divas and I saw the women and I thought it was so cool." But I thought you had to be able to do front flips and back flips and crazy stuff. And I was like, "That's not my thing, either. But if it's a competition show where we're competing in physical challenges and stuff, that sounds like it's right up my alley." I was like, "Sure." And he was surprised, he thought I was gonna say no. And he told the story to this day that my being open-minded and open to my path evolving was important in the evolution of my path. Anyway, long story short, I did an interview I did try out I got on the show. 11,000 people try it out. 13 made it into the house for the show, ended up getting eliminated four weeks into it, and was devastated because now I have fallen in love with this new world of pro wrestling in four weeks of being down in Orlando at the performance facility and doing this whole show experience. And so I called the promoter from WWE. I kept calling and calling and I was like, "I want to work there. I want to work there." And he's like, "Don't worry, we're hiring you. We loved you on the show. We're hiring you." But I didn't believe them. So I went back to bartending in LA, back to reality. And I started training in wrestling. And sure enough, two, three months later, they called and they were like you have two weeks to move down to Orlando, Florida. You're hired in NXT", which is the developmental program at WWE. And that was 10 years ago. So the rest is kind of history.

Adam: I love it. So many great lessons there. One door closes, another door opens. As long as you're doing good work, as long as you're being resourceful as long as you're open-minded, there is no linear path to success. We look at people who have attained greatness, who have made it to the top and we wonder how did they get there? Is it because they were born this way? Is it because they had some kind of incredible luck? Well, you've got to make your luck. You have to put yourself out there. And that's what you did every step of the way.

Daria: Yeah, I credit a lot of it to being a good person and giving off good energy. I'm very big on karma whether it be good or bad. What you put out into the world is genuinely what you get back. And the universe has always protected me in that way. And so I just try to put my best foot forward as we all do, and I try to work my ass off and let my passion and my grind and my work ethic do the talking. And I've tried to treat people how I want to be treated. The relationships I've built over the years, lead to the opportunity because good people want to work with good people. And so it's really important. My dad always told me this. He's like, "Treat the janitor the same way you treat the president." And I love that quote because it's so true. You want good karma and you want to be good to people.

Adam: Could not agree with you more. Can you share with listeners, what your daily routine looks like? And what in your experience or the keys to reaching and maintaining peak performance?

Daria: So my routine has evolved so much over the last 12 years. I was a kid when I got signed, I was 21-22 years old. And now I just turned 30. So it's funny to see the evolution of my day-to-day because as I've evolved as I've gotten busier and older, I've learned that nutrition, time management, and scheduling are the most important things. So I have two stepkids, I have a wife, I have a career in wrestling, and I do some real estate on the side. So if you don't run a tight ship, things will get lost in the mix, and you will slack on certain aspects of your life. So I have to run a tight ship. So I wake up usually around 6 am every morning, I take my vitamins, which is the whole process itself. I eat my breakfast, I grab my shake, and I head out the door, I go train for two hours, lower body because I'm rehabbing my ACL right now. I come home, I eat lunch. And then I go back to the gym and I do an upper body workout. So right now I'm doing two days, it's a little more than usual, because I'm trying to get ACL strong and ready to get back in the ring. And then I usually come home and I'll take a cat nap. And then I do whatever I need to do with the kids, whether it's take them to their sports activities, or go with my wife Tony to check on our real estate houses and our flip projects, and see where everything's at. And then I wind down and get to bed pretty early. Like eight, nine o'clock, I'm done in bed, like off. And yeah, that's a day in the life right now.

Adam: You mentioned your wife a couple of times, and you're the first female openly gay wrestler in the history of the WWE. You live in a world, macho, old-school world of fighting, not exactly the kind of environment that most people would think of as being comfortable to come out as gay. But you came out on national television when you were in your early 20s. It was an unplanned moment, as you were kicking off your career in professional wrestling. It was a risky moment. How were you able to develop the level of comfort in your skin to get to that place? And what advice do you have for anyone listening? Male or female, gay or straight, young, old middle age, anyone on how to develop a level of comfort in their skin where they can be their most authentic selves, regardless of the circumstances?

Daria: Yeah, that's a loaded question. Because it's a loaded answer. I mean, that has been a very evolving process in my life. My answer today is not the same as my answer 10 years ago. Yeah, I came out on a whim, I didn't put much thought into it, because it was in the moment. So I always say it forced me to be comfortable with it because now it was out there and it was there. And it was what it was. Had I gone about it on my timing, I probably would have waited longer just because it's the point in my life that I was at at that time. I wasn't "ready". So I always am very grateful for that moment, it happening on TV because it gave me the shove that I needed. And since then, it's just been an evolution of loving myself. I say this all the time and my wife talks about this all the time. You have to love yourself before anybody else can love you or you can love anybody else. You have to love yourself. And what I mean by that is you have to respect yourself and appreciate yourself and value yourself and your time and your body and your mind. And so just accepting who I was, and loving myself helped me deal with all the rest that was to come. And I'm much more open-minded than I used to be. I am of the mindset of I am who I am, and you are who you are. And you can't take anybody else's spot. It's already taken. You are you, I am me, and we all serve our purpose on this earth, whatever it is, whether it's in our career, whether it's in our home, we all have a purpose and a place in this world. So with that, I'm not a very competitive person with other people. I'm very competitive with myself, but not really with others. There's only one Daria Berenato. There's only one of you. So I just do my thing. And I love myself and I love my family and the people around me. I have great, amazing people around me. And yeah, everyone should just love themselves and do what makes them happy.

Adam: Do you have any advice for anyone listening on how to get to that place how to develop that level of comfort, that level of confidence, self-love, inner peace?

Daria: The journey, there might be a little bit different for everybody. For me, working hard and pursuing my passions, and working on my path as an individual before I met my wife, before I had created this family was important to me, because I didn't love and value myself enough in the place I was in, in my early 20s, to be in a great healthy equal partnership like I am now. So you just have to do what makes you happy. For some people, that's getting married and starting a family, for other people that pursuing a career or passion. It's like, whatever makes you happy, you have to go find that first before anything else. Competence comes from that. Because if you love what you're doing, and you're excelling in whatever it is you're doing in life, then you're genuinely going to be a happier person.

Adam: It's simple and straightforward, and clear advice. But it's incredibly powerful advice that everyone should listen to and internalize. Do what makes you happy. We have one life, it's ours. No one else is living your life. No one else is walking in your shoes. No one else has responsibility for your life. It's your life, take ownership, take control, get in the driver's seat, and do what you love. Do what you're passionate about.

Daria: We fixate sometimes so much on where should we be by this age. Or what should we be doing? What's appropriate? Should we go to college? Should we not? We get so fixated on the social norms and what we should do. But at the end of the day, like you said, it's very powerful to just do what it is that you feel whole doing. This has come through so many conversations with so many people around me that are also so inspiring, the ongoing conversation like What is happiness? What is success? What does it look like? Is it a dollar amount? Is it a circumstance? Is it a mindset? What is happiness? It's like the answer is different for everybody, but loving yourself and being happy with who you are as an individual is part of it for me.

Adam: How can anyone develop a winning mindset?

Daria: Let discipline take over when passion is lacking. And what I mean by that is you need to have passion for what it is you're trying to do. But you can't expect to wake up every single morning at 5 am when your alarm clock goes off, and be so excited to do whatever it is you have to do that day. And I think on the days that you don't feel that way, you need the discipline and the routine and the consistency to still obtain what it is you're trying to do. And I think consistency has been one of the greatest factors in getting me where I am today and hopefully will continue to get me where I want to go in the future just being consistent. You can't miss a workout. You cannot forget to take your vitamins, you can't skip a meal, you're not going to get the games you want. You're not going to get the performance you want. I just think everything every little detail matters. And having a strict schedule and routine is so important. And I think we can all have it all. I don't think it's one or the other, family or work, there's a balance there that we can all have it all if that is what you want and that's what your happiness looks like. For me. I work well on a full schedule. I like bouncing around and jumping from town to town with WWE and then getting home and working on real estate projects with my wife and taking the kids to their sports. I enjoy that high-paced lifestyle. Some people don't. Some people thrive in the more simple life and that's fine. You need to go after what it is that brings you that comfort and that happiness.

Adam: You can love an intense fast-paced, hard-charging lifestyle. But as you mentioned, there are going to be days when you wake up and you're not feeling it. How do you motivate yourself on the days that you don't feel motivated? And what are your best tips on the topic of motivation?

Daria: What motivates me is I think of my family, and I think of the life that I created for us and I want to continue to create it for us. And part of that is getting to a point where we have the financial freedom, where we have the freedom of our time, so we can do more vacations and do more things together and be more in the moment and present. It's really important to figure out what your why is because the discipline and the passion are going to come from that. And so every morning when I'm waking up, and I'm like, oh my god, I'm so tired. I don't want to go to the airport right now. I don't want to go to the gym right now. The end game is, what am I trying to achieve? I've been fortunate enough to see from my past journey, that when I do X, Y, and Z, it does lead me to my final goal, it has worked, and that consistency has worked. So small victories, whether it's a little bit of progress in the gym, lifting a little bit more the next day, or seeing a project, come to completion, take your small victories and be proud and see the progress and enjoy the journey. Because we're always on an evolving journey. We're never gonna get to that destination where we're like, this is it. We finally got there. And now stop breathing. Everything goes out the window, and we can just lay back and sip pina coladas. I think life is a forever-evolving journey of knowledge growth and spirituality. I mean, we're always learning and growing and evolving as humans. So also learning to enjoy the grind and enjoy the journey that we're on, not just trying to get to the destination.

Adam: Great advice. Know your why, understand your why, and get to your why. And on the one hand, focus on the end game, focus on the goals that you want to get to. When you know where you want to go, you're going to be a lot more likely to get there, you're going to be a lot more motivated to push yourself to get there even on the days that you don't feel it. But at the same time, enjoy the journey. Enjoy the process. Recognize that life isn't 100% all about the destination. It's about getting to the destination, enjoying it, embracing it.

Daria: Absolutely. I mean, we're just forever evolving creatures. We're never going to know it all. I'm never going to know everything there is to know about wrestling. I learned something new every time I'm in the ring. I get a little bit better every time I'm out there. So it's like just enjoying the fact that we're evolving creatures and we're constantly growing. And that's the fun part, to see the growth.

Adam: Daria, what can anyone listening to this conversation do to become more successful personally and professionally?

Daria: So I always say I like to grab the tangibles first, we're all wired to an extent to want to see some sort of gratification along the way. You want signs that you're going on the right path, or that what you're doing is working. If you want to be an actress, you're not just going to start a Brad Pitt film tomorrow. But you're gonna have to do something that's working towards that every single day. And what's tangible, what can you grab onto while you can sign a practice class, that's something everyone can do. You can make an IMDB page, you can send out headshots and emails to casting directors or agents, or whatever do the things that you can control in the immediate now that will lead to those bigger goals. For me, I was fighting MMA and I was trying to get into television and film and this podcast opportunity came up and I was like, well, great. I'll be on screen and I'll be talking about MMA, which I also love. And it'll be good for my demo reel one day if I want to be a host on TV or whatever. Even though it was a lot of hours, it was unpaid and it was inconvenient, I sacrificed that time and that dedication to that which ultimately led me to this, and who would have known that would have been the path? But I think you have to constantly be working towards the goal. But breaking it down into smaller steps, and more realistic steps along the way can help you from feeling deterred if five months into your acting career, you're like, "Well, I haven't been in a Spielberg movie yet. That's it. I'm throwing in the towel." You have to grab onto those little victories along the way and feel good about the process to keep going because we're all human. We all get deterred. We all have doubts. We all need something to motivate discipline out there and get us in that mindset to keep going. And so put your head down, focus, and try to get those small victories along the way.

Adam: Thank you for all the great advice and thank you for being a part of Thirty Minute Mentors.

Daria: Thank you so much for having me on.


Adam Mendler is an entrepreneur, writer, speaker, educator, and nationally recognized authority on leadership. Adam is the creator and host of the business and leadership podcast Thirty Minute Mentors, where he goes one on one with America's most successful people - Fortune 500 CEOs, founders of household name companies, Hall of Fame and Olympic gold medal-winning athletes, political and military leaders - for intimate half-hour conversations each week. A top leadership speaker, Adam draws upon his insights building and leading businesses and interviewing hundreds of America's top leaders as a top keynote speaker to businesses, universities, and non-profit organizations. Adam has written extensively on leadership and related topics, having authored over 70 articles published in major media outlets including Forbes, Inc. and HuffPost, and has conducted more than 500 one on one interviews with America’s top leaders through his collective media projects. Adam teaches graduate-level courses on leadership at UCLA and is an advisor to numerous companies and leaders. A Los Angeles native, Adam is a lifelong Angels fan and an avid backgammon player.

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