Thirty Minute Mentors Podcast Transcript: Million Dollar Listing Star James Harris

I recently interviewed James Harris on my podcast, Thirty Minute Mentors. Here is a transcript of our interview:

Adam: Our guest today is a reality TV star who doubles as a star real estate broker. James Harris is a star on the TV show Million Dollar Listing Los Angeles and has sold more than $2 billion of real estate since 2017. James and his partner, David Parnes, are also creators of the new real estate newsletter, The Blueprint. James, thank you for joining us.

James: Thank you very much for having me. I really appreciate it and look forward to our conversation, Adam.

Adam: I'm looking forward to it, too. You grew up in London and were kicked out of eight different schools before dropping out of school altogether and working full time in real estate at the age of 16. Can you take listeners back to your early days? What were the key experiences and best lessons that shaped your worldview and shaped your success?

James: Well, first and foremost, if you asked my mother if I was expelled from a school, she'll tell you no, I was asked to leave. But I'm gonna be honest and tell you I was expelled. You know, as a child growing up, I was diagnosed with a severe case of ADHD. And I had behavioral difficulties. And I had very little interest in academics. I always like to say school wasn't for me. But I knew that if I found something that I loved, and that I was passionate for, that I would hone in on that interest, and hyper-focus on that interest and make it my life. And at the time when I was 10,12,13,14 at school, I knew I wanted to be out there in the real world making money. And so when I got out of school, it was like, “Okay, now what?”. And I just knew I loved to sell from a very young age. I was always selling, selling, selling, selling. And I was always around real estate growing up. And so for me, it just made a whole bunch of sense to get into real estate, which is how I was able to find my first job at 16. Get into the real estate business. And I've honestly never looked back.

Adam: How did you rise within the world of real estate? And what advice do you have for anyone listening, interested in or working in the world of real estate, on how they can rise within their careers?

James: You know, I don't ever look at real estate as just a sole business. I like to say sales, because most people that love real estate, just love selling. My best advice is to really spend the time and focus on what interests you, what excites you, and what gets you up every day. What is your “Why”? And I think that's the big question: what is your “Why”? Understanding who you are, what you're all about, what gets you out of bed and gets you motivated every day. And for me, it was always about being in a business where I could write my own paycheck. I've been in commission since I was 16. I've never owned a single salary. Some people are motivated by being able to create their own success. Other people prefer to sit behind a desk and make a steady salary. And I don't think there's any right or wrong way of doing it. But for me, I didn't care where I started. It was in the mailroom, it was making coffee, it was making tea, it was getting an understanding of the overall business, and learning the business inside out back to front so that I had the ammunition to then go out and be the best version of myself. And at 16 you have time on your side. Not everybody has time on their side. But it's about making sure that you become a master of your craft and becoming the expert in your field. And then taking that and propelling that in the business that you're in so that you can be of service to others. If you have the information at your fingertips, if you're well versed in the area that you want to grow in, then you can go out and be of service to others. And that was always the key for me was becoming a master of my craft and then being able to utilize that to make money and become the best version of myself that I could be.

Adam: James, I love it. And to that end, I want to ask you, how did you discover what it was that you are great at? Something that I'm a big believer in is the importance of getting on that journey of self discovery, understanding what it is you're good at, what it is you're great at. I’m a big believer that we all have something that we're exceptional at. We all have that superpower. How did you know that this was it? And what advice do you have for listeners on how to understand what it is that they are great at?

James: Yeah, I think that's a great question. I think each individual has to understand who they are, what their interests are, what they like, what they don't like, what excites them, what interests them. I always used to look at other successful people, and think maybe I could do that. Or maybe I couldn’t do that. But that's not the way to look at it. You have to find something that speaks to you, that motivates you, that interests you, essentially, you have to find your own niche. You can't be like somebody else, you can't take off somebody else, you have to become a master of whatever gets you excited. Whatever gets you to the point that we go to work each day. We spend more time at work than we do asleep, or with our family, or whatever we're doing. So you have to find what interests you. And by doing so, you have to understand that what interests me, might not interest you, but, trying to get to the core value of what gets you interested, right? For me growing up, my mother was an interior designer. We bought and sold apartments. My whole childhood, my family, friends, were real estate; it was around me no matter which way I went in life. And so, therefore, it became an organic sort of transition for me to get into real estate. Now, if my father was a lawyer, and my father was saying, you need to become a lawyer, you need to become a lawyer. But law didn't interest me. We hear so often that we did what our families wanted us to do, but it didn't interest us. And then later on in life, we ended up going backwards. I think if it's true to you if it's organic to you, then you have to follow it. If it's not, you don't. So my best advice is to go out and figure out what is authentic to you. Follow it, and be the best at it that you can be

Adam: Such great advice and universally applicable advice not only in terms of figuring out what you want to do with your life, but also what you want to do with your career. But you mentioned that you think of what you do professionally, not as someone who works in the world of real estate, but someone who works in the world of sales. And when you think about sales, and when you think about people who are so successful at sales, one of the key themes is authenticity. And that might sound counterintuitive to many people when they think of salespeople and think of salespeople as being anything but authentic. But so much of success as a salesperson is being true to yourself, being true to what you bring to the table as a salesperson, and leaning into it. And I want to ask you if you could share with listeners, what is your approach to sales? What are your best tips on the topic of sales? What advice do you have?

James: Well, the first and foremost is that when you're in sales, you have to be real, you have to be authentic. So it goes back to what I was saying before, if you're selling something that you don't believe in, you may not be authentic to it. If you're selling something that you're passionate about that you believe in, then you have a reason to merit it, to be authentic with it. And I think sales comes from the heart. First and foremost, you need to understand what you're selling, you need to learn it inside out, back to front. If you have the information, then you can sell with authenticity. So I always say be real and true to who you are. Don't try and model yourself off of somebody else. Because then it won't come off as authentic. You've got to be real to who you are. You've got to be authentic to yourself. You've got to understand and have knowledge of what you're selling. And if you can put all of those together and have passion and excitement and enthusiasm with what you're selling, people will buy into it. You know, people always asked me, what do I put in my coffee in the morning?. And the truth is, I'm not putting anything in my coffee. The reality is I love what I do and am passionate about what I do. I know exactly what I'm doing. And real estate gets me excited. So, if I have that passion behind me, I understand what I'm selling, then I'm able to go out and sell it authentically. You have to have self-belief in yourself. I always talk about dressing for success as a part of what I do every day. I feel as though if you wake up in the morning and you put on sweatpants and a hoodie and you haven't showered in the morning, then you're going to go out and you're going to have that mentality from within. But if I get up in the morning, if I shower, I do my hair, I put my cologne on, I have my breath. First I have my coffee, I dress well, then I'm leaving the house ready and prepared for my day. Now I feel good, I have the confidence I need, I love what I do, and am passionate within. Now I can go out and I can do what I do best and sell. So my tips are be the best version of yourself, be authentic, dress for success, feel good, go out and do what you do best, which is sell what you love.

Adam: I love it. While you're selling, and you've sold so successfully more than $2 billion dollars of real estate sold since 2017, what are some of the methods that you use? Can you walk listeners through some of your specific sales methodology?

James: It's never assigned to what we do. Okay, in sales, you have to be flexible. The first thing is, you have to read who the customer is. Okay, in real estate, you have two people on every transaction, a buyer and a seller; the third person is the agent. So, in any selling technique, you have to understand who you're dealing with, what's their background, what's important to them, what are their likes and their dislikes, and you have to understand who you are selling to. There is no science behind selling. It has to be organic and it has to be real. If you don't understand who you're dealing with, then you could miss read a situation and it could end up in a fail. This goes for selling a house or a car, it could go for anything related to sales. You have to somewhat mirror who you're selling to, in the sense that you have to understand where they're coming from, why they're thinking the way of which they're thinking. But you always have to keep in the back of your mind that you're still selling. So you'd be authentic, you'd be true, be real, and understand who you're dealing with and learn the situation. For example, in real estate, I'm representing a buyer. I'm trying to sell them a house. There's 10 offers on that house, how am I going to win it? Well, I'm going to speak to the other real estate agent that represents the seller. And I'm going to say to the seller, I want to know all about the seller, they're married, they're divorced, they have children, they have another home, they don't have another home, they need time, they don't need time; the more information I know, the better I can be when it comes to negotiating. So now I'm setting up my selling technique based on the information that I learned. Which is why I always say that information is key. The more information I have at my fingertips, the more powerful I can be in my negotiation. So, I think in any sales gig, you have to learn, understand, and we talked about this in the blueprint, you know, one of the main reasons I did this newsletter was for these new people coming into the real estate industry or in the sales industry. If I can provide a little context to each of these people on what we do and how we do it, then I'm providing service to these people. But I think in real estate, you have to understand your audience in sales, you have to understand who you're selling to. And you have to have the information at your fingertips.

Adam: Know your audience, that’s true no matter what you're doing. Universally pluggable; correct. What advice do you have on how to close deals? How to make the ask and how to get to the final yes?

James: It's a great question. I believe that every single time I hear the word no, I'm closer to a yes. If you can have that mentality, then you're never going to get put down. I also believe in being aggressive in a negotiation, but doing it with class and sophistication. I believe in being honest and transparent. I believe in running every deal that we do in an ethical manner. You don't need to let a quick paycheck get in the way of a bigger picture, longer relationship. And I believe in longevity. In any business, you have to look at things for the long term, not the short term. So, if you put all of that together, and you understand that a client doesn't equate to a quick paycheck and a quick deal, and a client's there for the long term, not the short term, then you're in it for the long run. You're going to make a much better profit over that client over 10 years than you are over one. So look at every deal that you do from a long-term perspective.

Adam: What are your best tips on the topic of negotiations?

James: Top tips are always understanding who you're dealing with. Understanding the narrative, understanding the objective, understanding where you want to get on the end goal line, and being aggressive, but also being strategic, having a road to success in mind. Don't shoot from the hips. Be methodical, take your time, understand what you're doing and take your time with any selling technique versus rushing into it. If you don’t rush dollars, if you take your time, and you’re methodical, you win.

Adam: Has there been a particular negotiation that you could share with listeners and share the best lessons you learned from that expense? 

James: Ah, you know, I never like to focus on one specific negotiation. Every negotiation is unique, every negotiation is different. I would say each of them have their own unique techniques. But everything we've discussed are tips that I would give to anybody negotiating to better understand who they're dealing with and how to get to the end goal.

Adam: Something that you mentioned as we were talking about selling, and as you're talking about your mindset on how to close deals, what happens when you hear no. And you said, “When I hear no, that makes me all that much closer to yes”. But rejection is such an integral part of sales, such an integral part of life, such an integral part of understanding and getting to a level of success that we're all trying to get to. Can you talk about a rejection that you experienced that really shaped how you became who you are? And how do you approach rejection?

James: So this is a great topic. I love rejection. Rejection just motivates me. It gets me excited. I couldn't care less about hearing the word no, because the mentality and the mindset is, I'm closer to a yes. There isn't one particular time I've been rejected. There have been many times I've been rejected. But it's like a boxer; you get punched, you fall down. What do you do? Your instinct tells you to get back up. The same in business; you get back up, you keep going. So many of us, especially in sales, are filled with fear, full of fear, full of fear, full of fear, and we'll let fear stand in the way of our success. I always talk about this, you know, fear standing for false evidence appearing real. Okay, it's how you interpret failure. Look at the glass half full, never half empty. Have that mentality. Understand that fear and faith cannot coexist. Have faith in yourself, believe that you can be successful, have faith in the ability of your success. And understand each time you do fail, what did you learn from that failure? Okay, every failure in my life, and there have been many, many, many, many, many things, do I regret any of my failures? Hell no. I look at every single failure I've had to this day in my life, as something that's taught me and shaped me to become the man that I am today. I'm gonna have hundreds of thousands of failures throughout the rest of my life. But it's taking every single failure, understanding it, dissecting it, and looking at how you can make it better, how you can change you and make it better. I'm not looking at how I can blame you or the next person. I don't blame anyone else for my failures other than myself, and I look at them as learning curves. I look at them as ways I can better myself, which is the only way you can approach failure is really the only way that you can live life.

Adam: Well, you're right, but a lot of people look at the glass as being half empty. A lot of people look at failure measured by themselves, and they beat themselves up. And failure can put people out of a job, out of a business, out of a marriage, instead of looking at failure as, “How can I become better?”. So, it's just the quality of how you look at yourself and read yourself that will shape you and better you.

Adam: If you're too afraid to try, if you're too afraid to strive, if you're too afraid to shoot big, you're never going to achieve anything. “Only a mediocre person never makes a mistake”, as the great former mayor of Los Angeles, our shared city, Richard Riordan would say over and over again. And it's applicable in everything we do. So don't be afraid of failure. And James, I love how deeply ingrained that is to who you are as a person.

James: Absolutely, man. I really believe it. I've been through so much in my life. And I always say this, “You could walk down any street, in any city, in any state in any country and walk up to any person and say, ‘Hey, how's your life?’”. Everybody's got problems. Every family has problems. Every marriage has problems. Everyone anywhere in the world has problems. It's hard. How you address them, how you attack them and how you go about it; you're not alone. It's how you deal with it. It's how you get through it. It's how you get past it. It's if I wanted to feel sorry for myself and believe me, I have enough things that have happened in my life that would put me into a state of depression. But I don't look at the negatives, instead as to how I can turn them into positives. I look at my failures and how I can turn them into successes. And I think that that's all down to you, your mindset, your mentality. And if you can take that mentality and mindset and look at the positives, not the negatives, you're gonna be a far happier person in the long run.

Adam: I want to talk to you about one of the major successes in your life. And that's the relationship that you have with your best friend, your business partner, David Parnes, a fellow star on Million Dollar Listing LA. David's a close childhood friend of yours, you've also been working together so closely all these years. How have you been able to balance friendship, business, and show business to sustain such a great partnership? And from your experience, how can anyone find, develop and maintain a great partnership?

James: That's a great question. You know, friendship is difficult to mix with business. David and I are very, very fortunate that we grew up together. We've known each other since the day I was born. He loves to tell people that, but our relationship is more family than it is friend. You know, David, to me, is like a brother. We have trust beyond which, I think, in any business partnership, unless you have 110% trust, you're pretty much doomed. I think in any business partnership, you have to understand what your strengths are, what your weaknesses are, and you need to pivot on each of those. I understand what my weaknesses are. And please God, some of those are David's strengths, and vice versa. But like any business partnership, it's very similar to a marriage; it requires work. It requires communication, it requires trust, and all of those things together, as long as you can maintain a healthy relationship and a very good line between understanding friendship versus business, you'll be okay. But I think beyond that, we're very fortunate that we did grow up together, we do understand each other, we have a mutual respect for one another. But that's it. We have arguments, we fall out, we disagree. It's not the disagreement that is important. It's how you come back to agreement. It's how you always come back to figuring things out. And David and I always come back and are able to figure things out and figure our way through them, and ultimately get to a better place, a stronger place, and a more successful place, which is always the key and the goal.

Adam: What lessons do you have for listeners from your partnership with David? What can anyone listening to this podcast, whether they're trying to find a great partner, whether they have a business partner, and are trying to develop and build and maintain that relationship, what can they learn? 

James: The best advice I can give anybody is trust. You know, you can't put a price on trust. If you are going to go out and form a business partnership, so to speak, unless you implicitly trust that individual, then there's a big problem because you have to trust their decisions when yours are the opposite. And sometimes you have to sit back and say, “Okay, I trust you”. If you don't have that trust, it's going to create a problem. The other thing, I believe in any business partnership, things have to be kept 50/50. It has to be an even level playing field where you're equally as motivated as one another. And the other thing I have to say is, you need to have a healthy competition. If you don't have a healthy competition with one another, then you can't strive to make each other better, make each other more successful, make each other the best version of yourself as you can be. I know that when David's closing deals, I'm delighted, but it motivates me to close deals. And vice versa. You need to have that hustle inside of you. You need to have that trust. You need to motivate each other. And you need to understand each other's strengths and weaknesses so that you can pick each other up and better yourself.

Adam: What are the keys to building trust not only with the business partner but in general? So much of anyone's success in sales, success in closing deals, success as a leader, is the ability to build trust. What can anyone listening to do to develop trust? As a leader and as a salesperson in general?

James: I don't believe you develop it. I believe it has to happen organically. You have to feel it within. I mean, look, people at the end of the day, you often hear, “This person screwed me over, that person screwed me over”, oh my god, “this happened and that happened”. Trust has to come within, it's not something you can create or make. It comes with time, authenticity, knowing that person, understanding that person, making sure that your interests are aligned. And I just don't think trust is something that can be made, it has to just happen.

James: Well, the way it happens is by leading a life of morality, leading a life, as we talked about earlier, of authenticity, leading by example. So, if you say something and do something else, you're not going to build trust. But if your words match your actions, if you are able to act in a way in which people can show that you're a person whose word is solid, whose word is worthwhile, they're gonna start trusting you, they're gonna start believing in you. And the more you do that, the more you build the reputation, the more and more people will believe you.

James: And that goes for business as well. You know, time is how you build trust, time is how you develop a relationship. These aren't things that just happen overnight. These are things that have to take their course, and take time. Especially with clients, you know, they say you have to earn trust, right? And I say you have to keep that because the truth is you can earn it, but then if you throw it all away, that's a relationship lost. Trust is something that you are, it's something you keep, it's something you maintain. And you do that by keeping your side of the street clean. And by doing right by those people, whether it's a client, whether it's your husband, your wife, someone in your family, trust is something you have to maintain, keep on and cherish.

Adam: Love it. What would surprise most people listening to this conversation about reality television?

James: Wow, great question. Well, I'll tell you one thing, it takes us 11 months a year to shoot one season on the show. Most people don't know that. They don't realize that there's other shows on TV that you can film 22 episodes in three months. With our show, it takes 11 months to shoot 12 episodes. The drama is real. I tell people that, you know, I think often people wonder if it is or it isn't. But I'll tell you this much. The producers are very clever. Somehow they get us every single time, that by the time we're in a room together, I think we're just about ready to kill each other. But I have utmost respect for all of my cast members on the show. And the last thing is making money in real estate. And, you know, people see an episode that happens over the course of an hour and they see your estimated commission and they think, “Oh my god, I better get into real estate”. It isn’t that easy or straightforward, and it doesn't take 90 seconds to negotiate a $20 million deal over a latte. The real estate business is tough. It's a business that requires 150% of your time. But like any business, if you work hard, if you give it everything you've got, if you become a master of your craft, there's no reason you can't be successful.

Adam: What can anyone do to become better at selling?

James: Great question. Be authentic, be real. Don't complicate things. Again, real estate, for example, is a very simple business that people love to complicate. If you want to be the best that you can be, it starts within, get real with yourself. Self-help, find a mentor, look at who can help you find someone that resonates with you. Listen, sleep, eat, breathe, not just become a master of your craft.

Adam: Have you had a particular mentor who's been impactful in your growth and development?

James: Multiple people. I wouldn't say there's ever been one but there's multiple people, friends, people that I've grown up with that I listen to that I trust, and I look for the good people. I really do. And I try to listen to everyone. Everyone has something, right? I might listen to you for an hour, I might not like 58 minutes of what you spoke about. And if I compare two things that you said that were gonna better me, it was worth listening to the other 58. And I think in business, in life, no matter how long you're in any particular business, if you're always willing to listen, if you're always willing to take tidbits and find similarities, not differences, then you can learn from just about anyone and everybody.

Adam: I think, James, anyone listening to this podcast will take plenty away from this 30 minutes more than one or two things. I hope, I know. So what can anyone do to become more successful personally and professionally? 

James: I genuinely believe it comes from within. Tony Robbins talks about this one and I just love it. He talks about, you know, when you're sitting on an airplane and they start to do the safety debrief, and the stewardess says, you know, what happens if there's a pressurization problem on the plane and the masks come down. And what do they then tell you to do when those masks come down at them? When the mask comes down, the stewardess says, “Put the mask on yourself first, so that you can take care of others”. And your question to me is, what can somebody else do to be more successful? And I think the answer to that question, it's very simple. Take care of yourself. Make sure that you're in a good place, that you're a happy person, that you can go out and be of service. That you can go out and be the best version of yourself first. You can start from within first, and you can go out and be successful, help others, but it starts with you first.

Adam: I love it. Before you can effectively lead others, you need to be able to lead your own life. And so much of what I cover with so many guests on this podcast, are key themes of this show. The importance of being authentic, the importance of leaning into what you do best, knowing who you are, and really taking advantage of that. And last but not least, having that winning mindset, not being afraid of failure, not being afraid of fear. Any closing tips? How can anyone develop a winning mindset?

James: I think it's, just again, it's the willingness. You have to be willing to be the best version of yourself that you can be. You can't expect to have great results and not put in the work. If you put in the time. If you put in the work. If you dedicate everything you have to what you find resonates with you. You can go out and be successful. And I'm going to leave it at that because it's simple. If you stick to that, you'll be successful.

Adam: James, thanks for all the great advice and thank you for being a part of Thirty Minute Mentors.

James: Thank you so much for having me Adam, much appreciate it. And I hope you enjoyed everything we discussed. 

Adam: Absolutely.

Adam Mendler is the CEO of The Veloz Group, where he co-founded and oversees ventures across a wide variety of industries. Adam is also the creator and host of the business and leadership podcast Thirty Minute Mentors, where he goes one on one with America's most successful people - Fortune 500 CEOs, founders of household name companies, Hall of Fame and Olympic gold medal winning athletes, political and military leaders - for intimate half-hour conversations each week. Adam has written extensively on leadership, management, entrepreneurship, marketing and sales, having authored over 70 articles published in major media outlets including Forbes, Inc. and HuffPost, and has conducted more than 500 one on one interviews with America’s top leaders through his collective media projects. A top leadership speaker, Adam draws upon his insights building and leading businesses and interviewing hundreds of America's top leaders as a top keynote speaker to businesses, universities and non-profit organizations.

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