I recently went one-on-one with Jen Fisher. Jen was the first-ever Chief Well-being Officer in the professional services industry, serving as the Chief Well-being Officer of Deloitte.
Adam: Whether you’re a CEO, an entry-level employee, or anyone anywhere in between, there’s a pretty good chance that something is bringing you stress. What advice do you have on how to manage the stress that we invariably have in our lives?
Jen: It’s a great question, and I love this question because there are a couple of different answers to it. I think stress often gets a bad rap, and rightfully so, because what a lot of us are experiencing or have experienced at different points in our careers or lives is an overabundance of bad stress and chronic stress versus good stress. I’ll talk about the good stress first. Good stress is the stress that we need in our lives to grow, learn, achieve, and aspire. I liken this stress to when you go to the gym and lift weights. You’re putting stress on your muscles and breaking down muscle fibers, but in return, your muscles grow. We all need that kind of stress in our lives. That’s the good stress we should, in many cases, seek out.
Oftentimes, I talk to people, including myself, who are extremely fearful of public speaking. When I say that, it always surprises people, given the amount of public speaking that I do. But that’s good stress. I intentionally put myself in stressful situations where I have to stand on stages and be in front of people, but I make sure to prepare for that stress, knowing it stresses me out. It’s also positive in that it helps me grow and makes me less fearful next time. It’s a skill I want to learn. What I do around that stressful event – preparing myself for it, making sure I’m well-rested, reviewing my notes, or doing other types of preparation – is crucial. Equally important is what I do after that stressful situation. I’m an introvert, so recovery for me means reading a book, doing nothing, watching TV, just relaxing. That looks different for every person.
So that’s good stress. I don’t want to completely demonize stress. But I think the stress you’re asking about is bad stress, which often feels overwhelming or chronic. In today’s world, it’s hard to avoid bad stress, especially if you’re inside an organization or even if you work for yourself. You’re a high performer with lots of goals and aspirations. Just living in the world today is stressful.
I think the first thing we can do is practice self-care. And when I say self-care, I don’t mean bubble baths, crystals, or Wine Wednesday. I’m not knocking those. If they’re part of your overall self-care strategy, that’s great. But that’s not what I mean. I mean really getting to know yourself and your triggers. What triggers your stress? What does that look like? What can you do to buffer it on the front end? Are you getting enough sleep? Are you exercising and moving your body? How are you fueling yourself? Are your activities aligned with your values?
Take a good, hard look at your life: how you’re spending your time, what’s creating stress, and what you’re doing to identify those stressors. What are you doing before stressful events that might make them worse? For example, poor sleep. We’ve all experienced sleeping poorly or not enough, and we tend to be much more reactive the next day. When we’re well-rested, we don’t react with extreme highs and lows.
Self-care is one piece. But more importantly, we all have a responsibility to take care of ourselves. No one can do that for us. As leaders and colleagues, it’s also important to understand our own behaviors and how they create stress for others. Are you a barrier or a bottleneck? Are your teammates constantly waiting for you to complete something before they can move forward? That creates stress for both you and them.
Look at areas of your life and work where you might be the barrier. Start thinking about new ways to get work done. Maybe you don’t need to weigh in on everything but should weigh in at certain milestones. Identify the recurring stressors. Research shows that the things that stress us out the most each day are often small things, which feels counterintuitive.
For example, your boss schedules a meeting at the same time you need to pick up your kid. You’re stressed. Do you reschedule with your boss or miss the pickup? You’ve communicated this before, yet here you are. Instead of acting, you stew on it. But the simple action would be to call or message your boss and suggest alternative times. Yet we don’t do that. We just let it sit and build stress.
If we don’t deal with these daily stressors that we have more control over than we think, then the big events feel even more stressful. Addressing the small things helps reduce overall stress.
Adam: I love how you delineated the type of stress that we experience, delineating good stress from bad stress, small stressors from big stressors, stress that we bring onto ourselves versus stress that is brought onto us. How can we manage the stress that is brought onto us?
Jen: Number one, going back to self-care strategies, really make sure you’re creating time and space. Put it on your calendar if you have to. That’s what I do. If you looked at my calendar, you’d either laugh or think I’m crazy. It says breakfast, lunch, dinner, workout, bedtime. Those things are in my calendar just like every other appointment because they’re just as important, actually, more important than every other appointment. These are the things that allow me to show up and be my best every day.
We need to start seeing self-care as essential for our performance and stress management. Without it, we’re incredibly reactive. There are tons of stressors we can’t control, but if we’re taking care of ourselves internally, our response will be different. What used to feel like a major stressor might just become a minor inconvenience, like, “I just need to get this done.” You’re in a good place, feeling well, so you don’t have a reactive response.
The other thing is: don’t forget about other people. When we’re stressed or feel out of control, reach out. Talk to someone: your boss, a colleague, a friend. If you’re overwhelmed, ask someone to help you prioritize. Getting external insight helps. When I get stressed, I catastrophize. Everything becomes a crisis. But when I talk it out with someone, it brings perspective.
So reach out. That’s human connection, which is incredibly powerful. It also gives your boss or colleague a chance to say, “I didn’t realize you had so much going on. Let me help you prioritize.” Maybe something isn’t urgent. But we don’t ask. We just internalize stress. Instead, we need to pause and ask: What do I need to do? Who do I need to talk to? What questions should I ask?
That pause alone can alleviate 90 percent of your stress. Like you said, we’ll never eliminate all stress, and we shouldn’t want to. But we can tackle it in better ways.
Adam: What are the keys to managing anxiety?
Jen: As someone who lives with anxiety and has for many years after experiencing burnout, I have lots of guidance. The first and most important thing is seeking professional help if you need it. You don’t have to live with anxiety alone. There are qualified professionals who can help, and there’s no shame in that. Personally, I think everyone should go to therapy.
Day to day, it’s about recognizing your triggers. What creates anxiety for you? For me, I’m a master at reading things into emails that aren’t there, especially tone. I assume someone is mad or frustrated, and that creates anxiety. But 99 percent of the time, I’m wrong.
So I’ve learned that if an email creates anxiety, the worst thing I can do is respond right away. The best thing is to step away. Go for a walk, get water, play with my dog. Remove myself from the moment. Then come back later. If I still feel unsure, I call the person and ask, “Hey, what did you mean by this?”
We do this with texts too. It seems basic, but it matters. When you’re anxious, ask yourself: Is this real or perceived? What proof do I have? Can I step away and revisit it when I’m calm?
If the anxiety remains, talk it through with someone. I always go back to human connection. Other people help us sort through things better than we can alone. If you have anxiety, it’s easy to go from “everything is fine” to “the world is ending” very quickly. Disrupting that pattern is key. Then revisit the situation when you’re feeling different.
Adam: Do you have any other tips on how to get to a place of well-being?
Jen: There’s a long-standing Harvard study that’s been going on for, I think, 60 or 70 years. It shows that the number one thing impacting our long-term health and well-being is the strength of our relationships with other people. It’s not what we eat, how much we exercise, or how much we sleep. Those things matter, but strong relationships matter more.
Unfortunately, I think we’ve deprioritized human relationships. Think about how often you’re at dinner and everyone is on their phones. Or how often you are. We’ve discounted the value of connection. That’s especially true at work. We spend more time with colleagues than with friends or family. So make sure you’re building strong relationships, both in and out of work.
Connection doesn’t always have to be about work. It can be chatting about your weekend. It’s about having people you can turn to. I’ll always come back to human connection. In today’s world, that’s more important than ever.
Adam: What can anyone in a leadership position do to improve the well-being of the people who they lead, influence, and impact?
Jen: I love this question. Leaders need to role model the right behavior. I believe well-being is a skill set. It can be learned, taught, scaled, and measured.
Leaders often say to their teams, “Don’t check email on vacation,” and they mean it. I’ve said it myself. But then what do we do on our own vacations? We check email. That’s not role modeling. That tells your team, “If you want to be a leader like me, you actually do have to check email.”
It also implies you don’t trust your team to function without you. But you don’t want a team that can’t make decisions unless you’re around. That’s not good for them or for you. So if you want your team to adopt well-being behaviors, you need to adopt them yourself. What you do and what you say must match.
If you’re taking care of yourself, you’re modeling good behavior, and your well-being improves. That also means you’re a better leader. We’ve all probably worked for an unwell leader. No one wants that. So let’s be well leaders. That’s the kind of leader people want to work for.
