Thirty Minute Mentors Podcast Transcript: Interview with Millionaire Matchmaker Patti Stanger

I recently interviewed Patti Stanger on my podcast, Thirty Minute Mentors. Here is a transcript of our interview:

Adam: Our guest today was the star of the hit TV show The Millionaire Matchmaker. Patti Stanger is also the founder and CEO of the matchmaking company Millionaire's Club. Patti, thank you for joining us.

Patti: Thank you for having me.

Adam: Patti, so you're a third-generation matchmaker and by far the best-known matchmaker in the country.

Patti: Oh, that's so sweet of you. Thank you for saying that. I don't know now because we've got Indian Matchmaking, which, you know, I'm passing the baton and I'm really proud of her on Netflix, great show. Don't forget to tell everybody to watch it. So, we need more matchmakers on TV on every network. That's my goal. Maybe I need to get more in tune with the times. But yeah, I mean, look, the app industry is the hottest industry growing by leaps and bounds, you know? And so it's a great business to be in, as well as personal matchmaking, private matchmaking. It's great business; you actually are doing a service and helping others. You know, I always say matchmaking isn't a job. It's a calling.

Adam: Patti, can you take listeners back to your early days growing up in New Jersey and the best lessons you learned that helped fuel the success that you've ultimately been able to enjoy?

Patti: Well, I mean, I didn't go start out to be a matchmaker. I can't say that was my dream job. My dream job really is to be a screenwriter and move to Hollywood and make movies and become the next Sherry Lansing. But my mom and grandmother did it. And they did it really just to keep everyone moving. As far as matchmaking goes, in the marriage department, my mom had been married twice at that point. My grandmother fixed her up with both of her husbands and it was like just a natural thing we had in our home like in breathing. My aunt did it in New York. It was like we just, you know, kept passing people forward and introducing people. My parents had parties and stuff like that. So when I got to Florida, after 10 years of being in the fashion industry, the crash had come kind of like what's happening right now with retail. All the businesses were going out of business and all the stores were going out of business. My mom's like, you need to get a job. My parents owned a restaurant. And I was hostessing with my cutoff shorts at a bagel restaurant and I was having the time of my life because it was like University of Miami all over again, where I could totally, you know, lay in the sun and only work a few hours a day. But my mom's like, no, I sent you to college, you need to get a job and she circled a job for me; Director of Marketing for Great Expectations, the oldest dating service in the country. And thus my career was written, but I never expected to get to L.A., and end up back where my family had started. That was just a fluke, it really was. I was just, you know, trying to get out of credit card debt and fixing people on the side to make some cash and the thing just blew up, to be honest with you.

Adam: How did the Millionaire Matchmaker come together? The show launched in 2008, which was right as reality TV was emerging as a popular form of entertainment. So can you walk listeners through your deal with Bravo and how you were ultimately able to make it happen?

Patti: This was a really interesting experience. I mean, it was a very weird time. We didn't know that reality was going to be here forever. I'm actually doing a reality series for Clip called The History of Reality TV, and I'm doing the Love Episode, and we thought we were here for five minutes and the only reason we went wanted to do it is when the strikes happen with the producers and the directors and the actors is because we want to get our business out there. So it was like an infomercial, where people would come in and buy your services like me and Jeff Lewis, a whole bunch of us were like that- and we had no idea that we were going to be here for the long haul and that we were going to make the most money for the network because, you know, most of us were non-union. They could do a lot of things with us they couldn't do with Scripted, Scripted had fallen off a cliff. And we were taking the throne. We had no idea, but I would get calls because there were articles written about me. I think Marie Claire put me on the map. And the next thing you know, everyone was calling me and they wanted to do a show on me. But it was an accident. I was doing another show called Self Made with four famous people. One was Christian Onager on the show, and we had made a million dollars in our underwear drawers in our houses. You know, when the bank starts calling for you to invest your money, that's when you know you're rich at that point. And I was like, but I'm still living in my one bedroom. I wasn't overspending. I wasn't buying the expensive house or the expensive car, I was still thinking small. And the next thing I know, this little caravan of documentary guys, the GaNS brothers came to me and said, we want to do a documentary with all of you together. And they took it without my permission, and then they took it to Bravo. And I had already shook hands with Ryan Seacrest to do a show. Plus, I had worked with Simon Cowell before that, but he had gotten sued by American Inventor, so none of this worked out. And Bravo didn't want Ryan, although later on he would go on to make a big deal with me. And so they wanted me and that's how it all started. And you know, we had some issues in the beginning but eventually that show kicked off a year later from the pilot. You wait for, you know, focus testing, you know, the control groups and see who likes what and who doesn't like this, and then you bite your fingernails off and you pray that one day you're gonna get on the air, and then it happens. Then your manager calls you or in my case it was my executive producer. He says, okay, get ready to be famous. I'm like, famous? I'm not doing this to get famous. I'm doing this to make money. You know, I want to make my business go. I had no idea that would become my business, and matchmaking, I'd have to have someone else run the daily stuff.

Adam: Let's talk a little bit about that. So, Millionaire Matchmaker. It was a flagship show for Bravo.

Patti: And it was the highest repeated show on the air for Comcast networks and NBC Universal, and I hear rumors that it still is because I am considered to be like Seinfeld or Friends where you watch your favorite episodes out of order in the 200 countries on the back end on the streamers and on Bravo networks as well.

Adam: Wow.

Patti: Yeah, it was a fluke. I didn't have a set night. I floated and I didn't know what night I was going to be on. I filled in for other people. We had a large order. It would go from 13 to 15 episodes a year and that's a lot because I was the executive producer of the show. Plus, I was the front of the house and the back of the house. And most people got to share, you know, the show, like I always wanted to be on an ensemble show, like the housewives. But in their world, they had two seasons, a lot, a lot of episodes. But you could take a break. You could say, look, this week, it's all about Sonia. Next week it's all about, you know, Luanne. Like, the bottom line is, I can't leave except for the date. And in the end, I ended up going on the date. So I had to work my tail off. You know, I really produced that show. I really produced it.

Adam: Yeah, Patti, you said it was a fluke, but I don't buy that. I want to really understand what you did on the producing side and what you did in front of the camera to really make the show successful and what advice you have for listeners who are trying to create something successful, whether it's a show or a business or anything else, what advice do you have?

Patti: Okay, so there's three steps in creating the perfect reality show. Okay. There are no original ideas, but there are original people. It all comes down to casting. If you have a cast, that's crazy, amazing, that's loud and proud and has somewhere that they're going, maybe they have an expertise. Maybe they're a crazy family like the Kardashians. You know, maybe, maybe it's just like, you know, like what we see in Vanderpump, they're sleeping with each other. You know, it's whatever the cast is. That is what makes the show. If you're watching Selling Sunset, that's what's happening on Selling Sunset. That's why the hugest show right now, so if you're looking at your cast, you have to say, would you watch that show? If you're a reality watcher, would you watch the show and why? Then the next step is what's trending and what's hot. What's happening. Real Estate is hot. What's happening- matchmaking? I love Love is Blind and Married at First Sight. 90 Day Fiance is the number one show on cable. You better know your ratings. You better know who's watching what. You got to know which network buys your show and what they are looking for. Everybody wants the next great Kardashian family or the Chris Lee's or Duck Dynasty. They're looking for those families, because families last the test of time because they keep having generations of kids. So you have to know what you're selling. The other thing is, I think people think, well, I have a great idea. I'm not in Hollywood, how would I get an agent? How would I get a manager? You know, how would the network's see it? There are people that do this all day long, every network and every production company that are looking for people, casting people that can put a great show together, and you can get a producer credit that way. Some cases, if it's you and you're the star, you get up. You start out, usually, it's producing and you work your way up because things have changed a lot in the small community of reality. It's a little tougher now. But if you're a star, they will see it. They will see it and they will know when you look at somebody. Like Cake Boss, he's a star, right? We all knew that Charm City guy, he's a star. You can't pick better stars than Gordon Ramsay and Simon Cowell. You know they’re stars. And you can spot it in a room full of people you just know in your gut, really.

Adam: So someone who is trying to break in trying to break through what do they do? What's your best advice?

Patti: The first thing first is you want to write a good synopsis, a really short two page or on what your show is about don't go past two pages. You want a video reel - everything is video, so they don't even go to casting anymore. They go to casting video reels before they even put it together. Sometimes they sell the show just based on a casting reel before they go to pilot. And sometimes if your show is that great, you know, I mean, there are a lot of shows out there that have lasted for the test of time, like a housewife show like the first house in Orange County, the producer lived behind the gates, Dakota. So on set, you know, it was basically based off of the ABC show- the ABC show, right, Desperate Housewives. I'm going to make the reality version of that. So sometimes you'll see a scripted show and you go, we should make that a reality show or vice versa. A lot of you know a lot of scripted shows come from reality shows. And so, like, I'm sure there's going to be doing that with Tiger King. So, if you look and let's say Tiger King, you knew that guy was a star. You knew you had something, right? Even though you're making a documentary and putting it on basic cable. You knew that was gonna go right? It was timing when they put it on the air. We were in COVID it was Netflix. Everybody watches Netflix in 200 countries. It is the no one is slaying the giant as I like to say that is the top of the heaps. And you just know you just got to know how to put it together. Then you gotta start looking for those production companies that make the headshots because you're not gonna be able to get to the network directly. So you're gonna have to find an alliance with a production company. If you're lucky enough to get an agent at one of the top five agencies, that's also another way. But it's rare. It's rare. And the way you can only do that is you've got to get everyone signed to you on the show, lawyers have to get involved. There are legal documents, you want to be able to take these people after a number of times people get a year. And you want to make sure they're loyal to you. So they don't sell themselves behind your back and you're screwed. If you're producing this, if you're the star, it's a lot easier. So you got to have contracts. And you got to figure out who can get you to the network because the goal is to get to the network. The network is the most important person in this equation.

Adam: Patti, I think it's evident to anyone listening to this podcast that you're not only a reality TV star, but you're an extremely savvy entrepreneur. What advice do you have for entrepreneurs, business leaders on how to either start a business or take their business to the next level?

Patti: I think we're at COVID now. So, I think we've got a good two-year haul on this. Remember, even if the incident a vaccine comes out, you're gonna have side effects. And some people may not take the vaccine. There's going to be a lot of people that go against the vaccine. There's going to be various vaccines, you know? There's the new one like for Madonna with the RDMA. There's a lot of new things happening so this thing might take two years till it relaxes. So we're in for a long haul. My first advice to you is is your product COVID friendly? Is it COVID friendly? We know like masks are, selling sanitizers are, selling, you know, food is selling, you know housewares are selling, you know things that you just probably wouldn't think. I mean the number one thing in clothing is sweat pants. You can't get a pair of sweatpants. I hear this from everyone- sweatshirts, sweatpants. You know robes, slippers, pajamas- what is COVID friendly and I would take my product and tweak it to make it COVID friendly. If you're in makeup and you're in hair and you're in skincare you're COVID friendly right now. Like you have to think about those things. People need makeup for zoom calls. Their skin is disgusting right now, they can't get to a facialist because most of them are outlawed in most of the states. Your hair color. You know everyone's gray is showing. Like Kelly Ripa just showed hers and she made a meme out of the stages of her gray. So think about your product. Is it COVID friendly and how can I make the COVID friendly so that I start a trend, you know? Then you got to look at the marketing, where I'm marketing it. Now everybody knows we can't go to a store anymore. We might be able to go to the grocery store and we might be able to go to the drugstore, but that's about it. So are you selling online? Are you figuring out your website? Like Shopify makes these great shops and they're not expensive. You can go online, make a shop online, sell your product. You could advertise on Instagram. I mean, every three people- I think I bought one pot and now all I'm getting is housewares, every three people on Instagram. You can make a video and then you gotta use YouTube. You gotta use YouTube. I am a big proponent of YouTube, because YouTube drives traffic. They are the site for expertise, anything you're an expert on, you put it on YouTube and you could be selling back in products like programs, like your podcast. There are people that sell, you know, programs on how to get confidence on how to sell my product, you could be doing that as well. So you got to use all the mediums and I think people go like, oh, it's in a store and therefore I'm done. No, no, there are a million ways to sell your product now.

Adam: Patti, I think that's all great advice. And I want to stay on this topic because something that you're an expert in is branding. The Millionaire Matchmaker is not only a memorable TV show, but it's a multi-million dollar brand. What are your best tips on the topic of branding?

Patti: Well, I think the way it started is I was a regular Matchmaker. I charged men and women. And I would get these weird phone calls from the Four Seasons and all these like, you know, player type guys that really wanted a hooker and they would call me in the middle of night and they would offer a price. And I said, I only want to work with wealthy people, because I can't deal with the back and forth on the money. So if I make myself a millionaires club, okay, which nobody had, I did a name search, I checked, I said, then I'm only going to attract millionaires because who else would think they can join the Millionaire's club unless they were a dater? Like we're talking client side, it would only be a millionaire. So that changed the game. So think about your product. Who are you selling to? How are you getting your name out? Is your name easy to pronounce? Is it synonymous with one word? One word apps, one word TV shows are the hottest thing right now. Right? And then they spell it weird on the app side. Like they kind of make a difference. Right? So like, they change one word on it so that you know they can get the domain and get the app going. So think about that. You want something quick that gets you in and out that says what your product is. So your name is everything. Everything. I can't write. I produce movies for Hallmark. And when I'm coming up with my concepts, I can't work on my concept, my synopsis of the movie, unless I have a name. Like the name determines everything. The next thing is what is your logo? What is your logo? I mean, when you think of Adidas, what are you thinking? Nike with the little checkmark, you know, that logo, you want that logo to be imprinted on their brain. And it should be cool. It should be hip, it should be edgy, it should be fun. You know, that's another thing. The second thing is, obviously, you got to have a website. You're nobody if you don't have a website, and if you can get an app with your website and make it mobile application friendly, because everybody's doing everything on their phone. Now you're 50% ahead of the curve. Most people make the website, then they think about the app, they forget to make it a mobile application, who if you can't look at a website online, okay, no one's gonna buy your product, they're going to have to sense an attention span, like an ant and jump right off. So you want to make it user friendly. The other thing is, don't go crazy with a million pages on the website. I tell this to everybody when I'm teaching them branding, I do a lot of business consulting, and I say to them, make it simple and sweet and easy to get in and get out. And if you can keep their information like Amazon does, so they can click once to buy the product. So they won't have buyer's remorse. You know, if you’ve got to click to so many pages to buy that product, how many times do we check out? Also, it's great to have a wish list. Like maybe you have multiple products on your site, and you want that and they can't afford it right now, or they're waiting for their, you know, stimulus check, right? Maybe you're a high ticket item, you should have a wish list thing. Your picture should be clear that you should be able to make your pictures bigger on the product. So mobile applications, getting a good IT company or a good IT guy or girl needs to be key on how you sell that product. Because a lot of people just jump off out of boredom or there's too many clicks, and they just get lost in sauce. And I think the last thing is your list, your mailing list. You know, I have over 100,000 people on a mailing list and I was talking to my sister. So I'm like, what are we doing with these people? I never really send a newsletter out. So now we're getting into the subscription business. Where we're going to be making it so people can come to me. And they can get on Zoom calls with me in a group or they can pay me individually. Or I'm going to do a TED talk type of lecture where you listen to me once a week to keep you on the path of love and righteousness, so to speak. And I said, what are we doing with the list? I said, so now we can use the list. So you want to clean your list, make sure they're working. You want to be able to get past the spam filter. And that's what a nice SEO guy does. And the most important thing is traffic and conversion. Nobody wants to spend money on traffic and conversion. The reason Gary Vee is so huge is because he can spot the client that will buy your product in the middle of nowhere and know and he'll buy your product. We're going to go after him, as opposed to just buying Facebook ads or Google ads and winging it. You don't want to wing it. No one has the money, nor the time, to do it. I'm into the millionaire mindset. I do programs which teach you how to be a millionaire. For instance, I own a company that was just sold as part The Ryan Reynolds deal, okay? You know, Ryan Reynolds sold his jet today, and I'm part of the deal. And so it was 10 years ago, I did this deal and I looked it up and I own stock in the company and I'm like, oh my god, so basically, I'm always looking at avenues on how to expand your way of making money. You should be dipping into other people's companies. And if you look at the end of the article, The Hollywood Reporter wrote about it, but it's everywhere right now. We're gonna congratulate Ryan Reynolds and the company that own them. They sold several other companies and I'm a stockholder and one of the big one of those companies, but if it says Ryan is getting into tech, kind of very Ashton Kutcher, right? Because I'm a big fan of Ashton. And what he did is he's on the board of the match group, which owns Tinder and all the other apps, you know, like Plenty of Fish and whatnot. And I thought, God, he's smart. He's an actor. He's a huge actor. Deadpool is huge, but he's also sprinkling his seat everywhere to keep this business going. That's what other people should be doing. You should be able to take a little money for stock, a little money to invest here and there. And as you make your money, you should spread your seed and get involved in other products as well. Don't just stay in one lane, because if that lane goes wrong, you're screwed for life, and how are you gonna feed your family? Seriously, people don't talk about diversifying enough.

Adam: That’s really important advice no matter what business you're in, whether you're in the investment business or whether you're an entrepreneur, diversification is extremely important.

Patti: If you keep saying, well, I'm only in this business, I'm only gonna stay in my lane. I say that's great. But what if your lane goes out of business? What if your lane has, you know, like the real estate market in New York is in the toilet right now in New York City, right? So if your lane was only real estate, and all those rents are decreasing and all the real estate that's on sale on the market is decreasing. What are you going to do? So I believe in diversifying, I believe in putting your hand on a bunch of little pots. Let go of stuff that you don't like. When you watch Shark Tank, they do that there. They said, look, I can't spend everyday with you and help you with this product. But if you're willing for me to put X amount of dollars in, and you run the business, and I'll just bring my guy over, are you okay with that? You know, you hear Mark Cuban say that all the time. He's smart. You know, because if you put the law of averages in effect, it says at least one out of 10 is going to pop. So that's another thing you should be thinking about. If you're at that level, where you're like, I'm stale. I'm bored. I losing my zest for life in my business and I need to do something else. Here's the time to get involved with someone else. And mentored forward. If you're older and you've been around in the business like I have for a long time, mentor those other people. You know, it's a great product. I have a friend who owns a candy company and it's in Whole Foods- Missy J's- and she's a small company and her product is phenomenal. Like I say, who wants chocolate when you can eat cake? It's that delicious and she's struggling, because she can't do everything in her business. She can't be the finance guy. She can't be, you know, the cook and the bottle chef and all this stuff. So I said, you know, on Shark Tank, we should find you an investor, or we should, you know, sell our company, I meant don't sell the company. What you should do is bring an investor in to take it to the next level, because nobody knows about your candy. And so I've been mentoring her. And you know, she's like, oh, right. I never thought of it that way. Most people don't think of a way to make their business grow. They think it's one way or the only way. Like we now know online is cranking cash. Thank you, Amazon, right? We all know that. Right? Okay. And it's your past retail. Amazon has surpassed retail that should teach you right away that the law of business has changed.

Adam: Patti, I want to ask you about relationships. You're gonna pivot a little bit and you gave a ton of great advice on so many topics so far and relationships are core to your business. You're literally in the Relationship business. What advice do you have for listeners on how to develop successful relationships, in their personal lives and in their professional lives?

Patti: I think the way to develop a successful relationship is to be honest, and come from a place of integrity from the beginning. Don't play games. Don't play games. I have this new thing I'm teaching women on my Twitter, you can follow me on Twitter because that's where I give most of my dating advice. Instagram’s for the pretty stuff. Twitter's for the, the wisdom, as I like to call it. And I'm actually thinking about doing a YouTube show on it as well. So one of the things I think women are afraid to do, because we've been ingrained since childhood to be polite and not ask questions and let the man lead, and we're in a very weird time and- men don't take offense to this- but we're in the feminization of men in America, where they basically want to be chased, aka Bumble. Women pick them and they're not in a place of being alpha. They're all wounded crying in their soup about what's going on with their finances from COVID, whatever. Like I say in L.A., you know, everywhere in the world, a third date is a movie and a pizza in L.A., it's therapy. So we're in the feminization of America and because of that women are expecting men to be the alpha. And I sit there and they are not in an alpha mind state, maybe one in 100. So what you're gonna have to do is ask questions, you're gonna have to get them like you do a business deal. And if like, for instance, a guy's texting you all week long, and he's basically not asking for a date. You're not here for his amusement and his entertainment. So he can jack off to Pornhub right after he gets off with you. Okay? You need to say to him, hey, listen, are you interested in meeting because if you're not, that's great, but I don't have a lot of time. My time is limited. And I'm looking for a long term relationship. Now women have never been this direct before. You can be sweet. You can be nice. You can do it on the phone in an area very high and be like that, or you can write in on a text. And I said people have been writing to me and go oh my god, this has changed my whole life. You know, I thought no sex before monogamy was the main game. No, this is even better because you're learning to not waste time. Okay, because there's looky-loos out there that will fill up their dance card till the cows come home and never get off the couch. Not to mention they're married, they're dating someone else, they've got a backup girl, whatever you need to qualify your buyer.

Adam: But then I think that that applies not only in dating but in business.

Patti: So I just had two business deal offers. I still, to this day, model the mind and none of these people are in the celebrity business and they don't understand celebrities get money upfront from royalties and equities. That's how every deal is done. And one meeting I said to my manager, usually after I get a phone call, I don't know about this. I don't know about that. One was CBD, one was a flower company and they wasted our time. Now my manager went a little further down the road than I would have, I said get off now because there are looky-loos and time wasters in business, who like a lot. I'm going to give you the money. I'm gonna do this. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah and they're kind of picking your brain to learn what you do. Every time. Again, what would you do to make this business go? I mean, they were trying to pick my brain, because I was brighter than them. So that happens all day long. And you have to know who's worth your time. You only have so many hours in a day, those people will exhaust you,

Adam: Patti, I agree with you completely. Time is money and that’s something that you learn whether you're an entrepreneur or whether you're in sales. There's only so much time in the day and you can't dedicate time to things that aren't gonna monetize or don't have the opportunity to monetize. So we've all been in situations where we've gone after prospects that weren't really prospects. They were looky loos, and the more quickly you can figure out who's serious and who isn't, the more successful you'll be. There definitely is that crossover with dating as well. So a very interesting way of looking at it. You've worked with all kinds of clients. including many people who are successful professionally, but empty personally. How can anyone become more successful, personally and professionally? What can we do to live happier, healthier, more successful lives?

Patti: To not take the rejection of a deal going south, even though you've worked a long period of time and it personally, it's all about not taking it personally. It's the hardest thing in the world, especially if it's your baby. And you've worked a really long time. Writers go through this. They get rejected. J.K. Rowling got rejected a million times before a small print picked them. So basically, you can't take it personally, you just gotta keep moving like a shark. Sharks don't sleep. And if you keep moving, eventually you will bump into the right person to make your product, your business go. But most people take it personally and cry in their soup and crawl in a hole. They do. And I was always taught as a little girl, because my parents were in sales, it's not about the deal you're on; it's about the next deal. So if you could think that way, you always know there's another deal around the corner. If we could use that mindset and love, by the way, that'd be the greatest thing in the world. If we could always know, say didn't work out with Charlie, but there's always another one around the corner, we would be in a better place. Especially women. Women would control the street if that happened. But it's very difficult because there's only one person you like, but in business, there's more than one business deal in each category. And just because one person didn't buy you or merge with you or give you the money, doesn't mean another person won't. And you don't know everybody in the world. So you gotta just keep moving.

Adam: I love it. Thank you for all the great advice and thank you for joining us.

Patti: Oh, thank you for having me. And you can go to Millionairesclub123.com if you want to contact me or DM me at Instagram if you want a business consultation. You can do that too. I'm open for doing consultations right now. I'm doing a lot of branding during COVID - a lot of branding. Everyone's trying to rebrand their business.

Adam: Yeah now's the time to do it. Thanks again, Patty. Really appreciate it.

Patti: Yeah. Thanks so much for having me really appreciate it.