Prove Yourself Every Day: Interview with Actress and Entrepreneur Sheila Kelley
I recently went one on one with actress and entrepreneur Sheila Kelley. Sheila has appeared in The Good Doctor, ER, Gossip Girl, Lost, Sisters, and L.A. Law, and is the CEO of S Factor, an embodiment and movement practice for women.
Adam: Thanks again for taking the time to share your advice. First things first, though, I am sure readers would love to learn more about you. How did you get here? What experiences, failures, setbacks or challenges have been most instrumental to your growth?
Sheila: I got here through focus, drive, ambition, and persistence. I guess I should throw the word resilience into the mix as well. Because around every other corner of my journey has been challenge, rejection, and disappointment. Then there are those moments that make up success. I call them the snowglobe moments. They are when everything goes right: the audition, the meeting, the event, the filming, etc. - and you grab and ride these moments up the mountain of success!
Adam: What are the best lessons you have learned through your career as an actress?
Sheila: You can never take your eye off of the ball of your goals. I remember when I was a young actress and I thought I had it made. I had worked like a dog for four years auditioning, acting in theater in NYC, studying with the greats, when like magic everything started happening. It was 1992. This time in my life is still vivid in my memory. I had just finished starring in two feature films back to back, I was acting on the number one show in America, and I had a great profile piece written about me in Movieline magazine calling me “the next big thing.” I thought I made it! I sat back and waited for the offers to come rolling in. And I sat, and sat, and sat…no phone calls came, no offers, not even any exciting auditions. For 6 months, I waited until I realized that offers weren’t going to come, meetings were hard to come by, and I had rejected the last three. Humility hit me. At first, I was angry. Hadn’t I proven myself enough over the last 4 years of auditioning and acting in theater? No. Not in Hollywood. If you want longevity in your career, you must continue to prove yourself every day. This might include swallowing your pride and meeting on every and any project you have even the slightest interest in. There’s a recipe and this was the final ingredient: humility.
Focus + drive + persistence + resilience + a large serving of humility = success.
Adam: What advice do you have for anyone trying to break into or advance within the entertainment industry?
Sheila: Never stop, never give up. Don’t overthink it. Just show up every day with your talent and craft finely tuned and affect people. It doesn’t matter who the people are that you are affecting with your skills, be it the whole world on a big movie theater screen or a couple of casting directors in a beat-up little office on the Warner Bros. lot at the beginning of a massive film casting session. Touch peoples’ hearts and you’ve won.
Adam: How did you come up with your business idea and know it was worth pursuing? What advice do you have for others on how to come up with and test business ideas?
Sheila: I had just finished filming “Dancing At the Blue Iguana” and I loved the movement so much, I put a pole up in my husband's office so I could continue dancing every day. The press found out about my pole and there were several articles written about how I stay in shape using pole dance and striptease. Women came from all over LA to take classes with me. I realized at that moment that I had tapped into a vital desire for women to be free to explore their sensuality. Then Oprah came calling. And once I did her show, the floodgates opened and women from all over the world reached out to me. I guess what happened is that the business discovered itself. I just opened the door of possibility for other women to join me in exploring their erotic bodies through movement and dance, they walked through it, and I responded.
Adam: What are the key steps you have taken to grow your business? What advice do you have for others on how to take their businesses to the next level?
Sheila: I learned how to run a business the hard way. I had to fail, and fail again, pick myself back up, and try something new each time. It has been a soul-carving experience. And similar to my acting career, running S Factor has been deeply humbling and profoundly enriching. It all starts with discovering what you are passionate about. Here are my hard-won tips for starting a new business:
Find something that lights you up that doesn’t exist anywhere else. Something that maybe others might find taboo or off-limits. And change the game.
Then do what I didn't do: invest in an infrastructure that is so firm and solid that no matter what winds of change and challenge come, you can trust that your infrastructure is there.
Hire the right people. Not the most passionate people, not the most complimentary people, not the most charismatic people – but the right people who can weather the storms that will come. The right people are worth more than you can pay them so make it worth their while and invite them to join in the success of the company.
Create a methodical strategy or plan and then stick to it no matter what. Yes, there will be things you will want to change, but make those changes strategically and with the team. The team is what will take the company to where it needs to go.
My last advice is to step back and allow your team to have ownership in decisions and directions that you collectively choose to go in. If they feel like their efforts are seen, appreciated, and enacted, they will keep working hard to help everyone succeed, and stand behind each others’ decisions.
Adam: In your experience, what are the defining qualities of an effective leader? How can leaders and aspiring leaders take their leadership skills to the next level?
Sheila: What I've learned from running a business for over 20 years feels pretty profound, and I’m lucky to have learned it. How I would have answered this question when I first started my business compared to today is completely opposite. I would have said an effective leader needs to be loud, proud, and provocative. Today? Today, I say an effective leader should listen above all else. Observe, listen, process, and move forward with unwavering vision.
By definition, if you lead you are moving forward toward something you believe in, and those that follow believe in your vision. So my advice is to be clearer than clear about your vision. What do you see? What do you believe? What are you passionate about and why? And then clearly understand how you are going to get to the fruition of your vision. These are leadership skills that help those who believe in you to move definitively towards your vision as a team with a unified goal and path in mind.
Adam: What are your three best tips applicable to entrepreneurs, executives and civic leaders?
Sheila:
Listen: to everything around you in the world, especially in your area of expertise. Listen to everyone on your team. And let them know you are not just listening, but truly hearing them. And don’t just give them lip service, but take action based on what you hear them saying.
Compassion, connection, and understanding: embolden your team with your understanding and care, at work and beyond those walls.
Daring: dare to go where no one has gone before you. And go boldly and unwaveringly. Never, not ever, give up your vision.
Adam: You mentor and coach a number of women throughout the year. What are your best tips on the topic of mentorship? How can anyone find a great mentor and be a great mentor?
Sheila: I coach women to live their lives to the fullest potential they have within them. I teach and mentor them to do this through embodiment. I use many different tools of embodiment and conscious movement. And I mentor with love, fierce love and loyalty, trust and compassion.
Finding a great mentor is challenging in this day and age of insta-knowledge. Everywhere you look there are words of guidance and advice and leadership but with no continuity. No one seems to be guiding each individual from the beginning to the middle to the ever after… If you are seeking a mentor, I believe you need to hunt them out. Find something you are passionate about and commit to classes or meetings on that subject and find a mentor within that discipline. A mentor is someone who is an expert in your field. Someone who has a world of experience to offer you. Wisdom to share.
To be a great mentor, you need to nurture and create a free flow of knowledge between you and your mentee. And the most important element of being a great mentor is making sure your mentee is wholly independent from you. That she can thrive in the world with the tools you are empowering her with. That she doesn’t feel overly dependent on you.
Adam: What is the single best piece of advice you have ever received?
Sheila: The single best piece of advice I ever received was from my father, who was a scientist and inventor. He didn’t understand the world of acting and the arts but he understood humanity. He said, “No matter what happens, never stop knocking on the door of your future. You can knock louder or softer. You can knock on the top, the side or the bottom of the door, but if it is the right door it will eventually open to you. Unless you give up and walk away.”
Adam: Is there anything else you would like to share?
Sheila: I’m just a small-town girl from southwestern Pennsylvania who had a dream and made that dream come true over and over again. I am honored and flattered to be completing this interview with you. Thank you for listening.
Adam Mendler is the CEO of The Veloz Group, where he co-founded and oversees ventures across a wide variety of industries. Adam is also the creator and host of the business and leadership podcast Thirty Minute Mentors, where he goes one on one with America's most successful people - Fortune 500 CEOs, founders of household name companies, Hall of Fame and Olympic gold medal winning athletes, political and military leaders - for intimate half-hour conversations each week. Adam has written extensively on leadership, management, entrepreneurship, marketing and sales, having authored over 70 articles published in major media outlets including Forbes, Inc. and HuffPost, and has conducted more than 500 one on one interviews with America’s top leaders through his collective media projects. A top leadership speaker, Adam draws upon his insights building and leading businesses and interviewing hundreds of America's top leaders as a top keynote speaker to businesses, universities and non-profit organizations.
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